


Only When I Breathe

by saucyminx



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-13
Updated: 2010-08-13
Packaged: 2017-10-28 05:52:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 38,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saucyminx/pseuds/saucyminx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Author Jared Padalecki is notoriously reclusive, hiding away from his fame in a cabin in the woods. Reporter Jensen Ackles is trying to salvage his career, it seemed like going undercover to get the inside scoop on the author would do just that. He never planned on feeling anything for the man but that was just the way life worked sometimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jared Padalecki read his first book when he was four years old. _Josie, Pipp and Squeak._ Of all the useless pieces of information in his head, he could still remember that title. When he was six years old, he wrote a story about a dog that lived on another planet and wore a space helmet complete with glass bubble helmet. When he was ten years old he wrote his first _proper_ shot story entitled _There's Something Under My Bed._ It was a scary story - the little boy in the story was creeping up the stairs to his bedroom after trying to get _anyone_ to believe him that there really was a monster under his bed. Before the end of the little boy's story, the monster would, indeed, get him.

Jared was now twenty two years old and things hadn't changed much. He still wrote. His stories were still terrifying and there was still a monster under his bed. The face of the monster may have changed but there you have it. A path lay before us but let us not forget there was always a path lying in wait behind us too.

Every time Jared had to come into the city to meet with his publishing company he felt like a little bit of life was sucked out of him. Brickhouse Publishing was cutting edge, prided themselves on publishing controversial novels, the unusual that was _good enough_ to cross over and become _usual_.

Jared took a sip of the weak coffee he'd been handed by the receptionist, frowned and set it down on the coffee table in front of him. Million dollar building and they couldn't brew a decent cup of coffee.

He'd been called in by Eleanor Watson to have their bi-annual argument about publicity and how Jared's desire to keep his private life _private_ was doing nothing to help with the pre-sales of his newest book _Heartfelt_.

The truth was, Jared's second book was _still_ on the NY Times best seller list and the lack of personal information about him didn't seem to bother his readers. In fact, his reclusive nature hadn't stopped him from having a rather rabid fan base. Jared even had his own fan site although it was a little too Gothic looking for his taste. The site centered around the main character in his books.

Simply referred to as Nyght - Jared's protagonist was a wounded and broken man. As torn up on the inside as he was on the outside; he made insane choices. His self-appointed task was to take on serial killers, often with an out-of-this-world quality about them, questionable powers. Nyght taunted the killers, stalked them, and framed them, in short, turned their worlds upside down. Then, the hero of Jared's story, _killed_ the serial killers. The death was never simple or slow; rather it was ruthlessly complex and meaningful if anyone cared enough to pay attention. In Nyght's fictional world - no one paid attention.

At first, Jared had difficulty finding a publisher then his agent had discovered Brickhouse and their penchant for publishing gritty and disturbing novels. The kind of novel everyone wanted to read but no one would admit to having purchased.

 _Heartfelt_ was the third of Jared's novels. The first was simply entitled _Broken_ , the second _Make Wishes Right_. The first novel had made Nyght an underground hero and stirred up a lot of fervor around the ethics of a killer who killed killers. There were fans, there were protesters, and his book had even been banned in some places- primarily because of the violence of the death scenes. The whole thing made Jared's mind spin and he tried not to think about it.

Sitting outside Eleanor's office facing the four foot high banner reproductions of his book covers wasn't helping him forget. It didn't make matters any better that Jared felt completely out of place dressed in his ratty jeans and plaid shirt while everyone moved around him in what was currently referred to as _business casual attire_. This just wasn't Jared's world and he was already itching to get back to his cabin, his lake, the quiet little world he had created for himself.

Eleanor's door swung open and she emerged in a cloud of perfume and fake laughter as she ushered another author out of her office. After all but dismissing the poor man she turned her attention to Jared like he was some sort of prey and swooped down to grab his hand and drag him off his seat and into her office. Jared couldn't help thinking of it as being dragged onto the spider's web.

Sinking down heavily into the over-sized leather chair behind her desk, she smiled warmly at Jared and gestured for him to sit. "So ... it's that time again. I ask you for _one_ interview, tell you how I've got the most respected literary magazine in the country interested in a full size article about you, complete with cover shot." Pushing a few buttons on her phone she leaned her elbows on the desk and leaned forward.

"Then ..." she sighed long and hard, "you'll refuse based on the fact that you want your personal life to stay that way. You'll insist you've gone to great lengths to hide your background. You'll disagree and you'll go back to your life as a hermit." She grinned at Jared.

Smiling slightly, he tilted his head, shrugged a shoulder and nodded. "I'd say that's pretty accurate." Jared tried to not engage Eleanor in discussion. There were some wild animals it was just better not to fight with. He knew that she couldn't _make_ him do any interviews and frankly, he didn't care _what_ magazine wanted to do the story - they had an author biography with all the information Jared was prepared to give out.

Her gaze softened for a few moments. "Jared, you're an attractive man. Why don't you stay in the city this weekend? I have a guest house - my daughter's out of town at her Father's this weekend." The underlying invitation wasn't _lost_ on Jared. Quite frankly, Eleanor terrified him but then he was used to that. Most people terrified Jared.

"Oh, Eleanor," Jared teased. "You know I'd never survive a night in your company. Not old enough or strong enough." Jared's cheeks blushed slightly and he leaned forward in his chair. "So - seeing as we've already _had_ out usual argument - am I free to go back home?" _Home_ \- the one place in the world Jared managed to control most things.

Eleanor stared at Jared for a few more moments - an unreadable expression on her face. She reached to the side and grabbed a magazine the slid it across the desk for Jared. "The Republic of Letter," she said. "The most respected literary review in the country. Take this copy, read it, and we're done." She raised an eyebrow, "unless you change your mind about the invitation."

Jared pushed up from his seat. "Eleanor, you have a nice evening."

Jared beat a hasty retreat, winding his way through the maze of a glass walls and banners, author photos and men in business suits. He was relieved when he finally saw his old pick-up truck and didn't truly relax until he was well past the city limits and headed back out to the lake.

-=-=-=-

"Here."

Eyebrows curving up moments before the lift of his eyes, Jensen Ackles' gaze lingered on the extended piece of paper before traveling up a muscular, richly tanned arm. "Morning," he greeted though his friend did not, shifting forward in his seat and adjusting the glasses along the bridge of his nose. "What's the matter Chris? Late night?"

"When is it not?" Chris countered and edged the paper still grasped in his fingers forward. "I'm not offering you this just for the hell of it. C'mon, I've got other shit to do."

Jensen suppressed the roll of his eyes and snatched the paper, twisting it around until he could read the words. There wasn't much, just an address, for an off road route up in the mountains somewhere. Jensen vaguely recognized the county name before looking up. "Am I supposed to be doing something with this?"

"Yes, saving your ass." Chris snorted and shifted closer, hip tilting to the side to lean against the desk, gaze temporarily drifting across the cubicles to a line of offices. "That's Jared Padalecki's address."

Sitting up straighter in his chair, Jensen's eyes widened and he stared at the paper for a moment before looking back up. "No shit. Really?"

"It's your fuckin' lucky day," Chris smirked and folded his arms across his chest. "Look Ackles, you gotta go and get this interview."

Jensen fumbled out of chair as Chris turned and started walking through the rows of cubicles. "You're nuts. We've been trying to get him to interview for what? Years? A long ass time and he won't. He won't interview with anyone. You expect me to just show up at his door and talk him into?"

"I don't care what you do, or how you do it, you just get it done." Chris shrugged, nodding at a petite brunette as she slid forward with a stack of papers.

A sharp bark of disbelieving laughter left Jensen's lips and he dragged a hand through his loosely tousled hair. "You're fuckin' insane. I'm good Chris but I'm not a miracle worker. It's not gonna happen."

Chris spun in his steps and Jensen drew up quick, nearly slamming into him. "You want the facts? Here it is Jensen. You fucked up with King, that was a huge interview, could have been one of the best pieces of your career and you got too cocky, let your pride get in the way and it's taken all of my persuasive powers to keep them from firing you."

It was true. Jensen _had_ fucked up and he knew how much his friend put his own job on the line for him but... "I know man, I know I fucked up but this is- it's impossible."

"You are good Jensen. Hell, you're probably the best we've got. But now you have to prove it," Chris continued walking and Jensen trailed along with wide, slightly desperate eyes. "This is gonna be huge, we want to do a whole issue on him, on his characters, on every little thing we can. _Heartfelt_ releases in a month. I want it by then." He turned just outside his office door and narrowed his eyes at Jensen. "This is it man. You do this and you're set, you're going places. Failing... it's just not an option."

The door closed sharply in his face and Jensen tried to ignore the sudden bite of panic. An interview with Jared Padalecki. No, not even that. A full blown, entire _issue_ about Jared fucking Padalecki, the next big thing to hit the underground horror scene and suddenly stream mainline. The notoriously reclusive author, who'd yet to do any interview, had never once made any public appearance, who was no more than a little blurb and a tiny picture on the inside flap of his books. And now Jensen was supposed to prove his worth by bringing the man into the spotlight. That was shit.

But, what choice did he have?

Everything had been going just fine for Jensen for the past few years. He had a nice apartment downtown with a great view of the mountains, had a bunch of friends who were synonymous with crazy but never failed to make the night exciting, and he had Mike, who wasn't the absolute best boyfriend in the world but they loved each other so that's what mattered. Than the shit had hit in the fan in the form of an epic breakup that had shook Jensen's world, turned everything upside down.

It was _stupid_. Neither had been unfaithful, never lied or yelled or even cried for that matter. It was just one of those things, people falling apart, drifting away; people who were better off friends. And it would have been just fine if they hadn't been together long enough to be sharing the same home, the same items. Suddenly Jensen found himself on the shit end of a custody battle over their loft, their dogs, their cars, hell, even their fucking computers had been purchased together.

The battle lines had been drawn and Jensen lost more than half his friends. And then he'd been given a great opportunity in the form of a Stephan King interview. It should have been easy for him, _hell_ he got J.K. Rowling to let a spoiler slip during their last interview and she hadn't even realized it until after the article was printed. But Jensen was stressed and tired and _annoyed_ so he forgot some of the major author to interviewer etiquette. There was also the chance that he could have been - just a little bit - drunk at the time.

Needless to say, The Republic of Letters lost their introspective piece on Stephan King and Jensen Ackles nearly lost his job. Thankfully Chris had been one of those friends closer to him than Mike and was currently on his side. Still, the idea of trying to get an interview from an author who was secretive enough to live in some remote mountain town didn't seem much like Chris being on his side. It was tantamount to career suicide.

At this point in his life, Jensen lived in his parent's basement. It wasn't ideal, especially not when you were a single, twenty six year old trying to get back on the dating scene - nothing killed the mood like _be quiet, you might wake my mom_ \- but it was his in between place.

Mike had gotten the loft in exchange for the dogs, Purdy - the crazy golden retriever who thought the dog on the other side of the mirror was a potential enemy out to get her - and Blase - a mix of at least a dozen breeds who could knock Jensen to his ass in ten seconds flat if he got too excited. He loved them like children and was more than okay with giving up his place of residency if it meant keeping them. Jensen also got his car, though switching over loan papers was the worst pain in the ass he'd ever dealt with, and his computer. Mike however got the big screen TV, more than half the DVD collection, all the furniture and a brand new shiny boyfriend named Tom that made Jensen _not at all_ jealous.

Jensen loved his job, at one time, and he probably would still love it if he wasn't facing impossible tasks that could make or - literally - break his career. The entire drive home he considered options. Jared Padalecki probably hadn't offered up his address which meant he probably said no to any sort of interview with them. This also meant that Jensen was going to have to do the impossible.

"Mom?" He called and braced himself as the clatter of nails skid along the front hall. Not a moment later he was covered with dog drool and barely managed to catch himself on the door as both mutts jumped up on him. " _Down_ you beasts! Who's gonna feed you if you kill me?"

"I feed them anyway," Donna Ackles informed, smirking at her son as she crossed from the living room to the kitchen. "How was work honey?"

"Shit," Jensen grunted and managed to negotiate his way out from under the dogs, stumbling slightly before heading after her. "I've got to try and get a piece on Jared Padalecki."

"Oh..." Donna frowned slightly and poured a cup of coffee. "He writes those horror novels right?"

Jensen chuckled as he dropped into the kitchen chair. "Mom, I saw your copy of Broken, don't play naive. There's nothing wrong with enjoying a bit of fiction. What's _wrong_ is the fact that Jared Padalecki doesn't _do_ interviews and... I'm gonna lose my job if I don't get this."

"So, go get the interview." Donna waved her hand as if it were that simple. It wasn't.

Still, the next morning found Jensen packing up his meager belongings and ushering both Purdy and Blase into the back seat of his Land Rover. With a kiss and a promise to both his parents that he'd call as soon as he could Jensen was on the road. It wasn't like he was some investigative reporter, usually the most work he had to do for an interview was think up questions, but he'd been faced with little choice in the matter.

Seven hours later and he was standing in the doorway of an old, slightly decaying cabin. The owner had been renting the place out to people for years but he'd assured it was up to date. Jensen wasn't comforted by the trickle from the faucet or the way the light flickered when he hit the switch. His dogs, however, were eagerly roaming the place, sniffing out foreign scents and Jensen cringed when something shattered in the bedroom.

It would work, for now. He would get this whole fucking issue on Padalecki and things would be _good_ again.

-=-=-=-

Jensen spent the first and second day at the cabin trying to make some sense of things. He wasn't exactly Mr. Nature, despite what people seemed to assume about Colorado natives. Sure he could handle winter and enjoyed fresh air but that definitely didn't make him king of the mountain or anything.

Everything was so _quiet_ the first night he had trouble sleeping. It probably was more the unquiet of the quiet. The sounds of the forest compared to the distant hum of traffic. Starlight instead of streetlamps. And even if it was mid April the air still felt cooler up here, crisper and sharper as he inhaled.

This cabin had been chosen specifically because Jared's was just down the path. The second day he'd scoped it out, peering through the trees to try and catch some glimpse of the man. Jensen had already decided going over there and introducing himself as a reporter was a sure fire way to get a door slammed in his face and find himself jobless in a month. No, this was going to be all undercover work.

The idea thrilled Jensen possibly a little more than it should. He developed a little character for himself, staying as true to the facts as he could. Bad break up, rough life, needed a break for awhile, needed to get away from the real world and just... figure some things out. It wasn't the _best_ but it would work as long as Jared didn't pry too much. Somehow, Jensen didn't imagine the author as the prying type.

Finally on the third day Jensen felt secure enough to go over there and at least meet the guy. Purdy and Blase were good dogs, Jensen had trained them well despite their over exuberant greetings and up here he didn't even need leashes for them. That didn't stop them from being curious though and, when he peered through the trees and spotted Jared Padalecki and his own dog outside their cabin, it only took a gentle pat on the butt to get both dogs running through the trees to investigate. Jensen pushed the glasses up his nose slightly and watched, waiting for Jared to take notice to them before making his entrance.

Jared was sitting out on his front steps with a steaming cup of coffee enjoying the morning sun when he felt his dog tense by his side. The thing about huskies was that nothing got by them, definitely one of the reasons that Jared had one.

"Atka? What is it girl?" He followed the husky's ice blue gaze to a couple of canine visitors. "Settle," he murmured to his dog, standing and leaving his fingers on her head. The dogs were obviously friendly, a golden retriever and a mutt - the kind of mutt Jared liked. Grinning he sat back down on the step. "Okay, go say hi." Atka bolted down the steps and bounced up to the retriever first and they began the sniffing dance, walking around each other, barking lightly and bouncing. Smiling, Jared took a sip of coffee.

It had been Jensen's plan to stroll out casually, explain his crazy dogs, but the blinding flash of Jared's smile caught him off guard. _Jesus_ of course the kid would have to be gorgeous and about a million times better looking than the tiny picture provided in his book. Because, really, apparently this wasn't hard enough already. Now Jensen would be lusting after the mysterious guy too which wasn't going to help at all. Unless... Jensen cleared his throat and half stepped back before starting a casual half jog to break through the forest, "Purdy! Blase! You crazy mutts what are you doing?" The dogs instantly turn and bolted for him, turning back to greet their new dog friend who walked curiously toward him. Jensen instinctively crouched to be on the husky's level, holding out his hand. "Hey there girl."

Jared put his coffee down and stood quickly. "Atka, come." The husky tilted her head and looked at Jensen for a moment then turned and bounded back to Jared's feet. He tail was thudding against the wooden stairs beside Jared's foot. He could feel his guard go up the moment he saw the man; it wasn't that Jared had a bad feeling - quite the opposite - the man had kind eyes, he was attractive - even at a distance.

Clearing his throat Jared stepped down one step and leaned back against the railing. "I'm sorry ... Thomas always forgets to tell people. This part of the lake front is private property." His eyes darted back down to the man's dogs, their tails were wagging just like Atka's and Jared could tell she really wanted to go and play.

Well, Jensen hadn't exactly been expecting a warm greeting and this wasn't actually that bad though it clearly was a brush off. It was more than obvious right away that it wasn't just interviews that Jared disliked. "Sorry, my dogs-" he pushed up from his crouch and scratched absently at the back of Blase's head. "They got away from me there. How'd you know where I came from?" Jensen half stepped back, trying to make it clear to Jared that he wasn't going to cause any trouble.

"No other places around here." He looked back up at the man and Atka whined. "She wants to play with them. Is that okay?" He smiled softly and picked up his coffee cup. It couldn't hurt to let Atka play, she didn't get to meet other dogs often and the socialization was good for her.

"Yeah, of course," Jensen returned the smile and scrubbed his hand down each dog's side before giving them a reassuring pat. They darted forward almost instantly, eager to figure the new canine out. "She probably doesn't have many playmates out here huh?" Jensen asked casually, nudging at his glasses and turning slightly to look around the wide open expanse of Jared's property.

"Okay." Atka shot off the steps as soon as she had Jared's approval. "She has me," he offered. Jared watched as the stranger hovered at the line of trees, not quite sure whether he should come forward or just watch his dogs from a distance.

"You might as well come up," Jared watched the dogs racing around the clearing, chasing each other, barking. "They'll be a while. You want a coffee?"

Lip quirking up in a smile Jensen stepped forward, shoving his hands roughly in his pockets, "yeah. Coffee, that'd be great." He crossed the yard as casually as he could, trying to look like he had no particular care about being here or not. "I'm Jensen, by the way," he offered as he reached the front step.

Jared gestured to one of the chairs on the porch, "Jared. Have a seat. What do you take in your coffee?" Jensen was tall, only a few inches short than Jared which was unusual. At six foot four he was used to being head and shoulders above everyone else.

Up this close Jensen had a much better view of Jared. He had a healthy tan, golden brown hair falling casually into place, just enough muscle to suggest he did things like chopping his own wood and kept active. Jensen had to drop his gaze before it became obvious he was staring and he turned to take the chair Jared had indicated. "Just black is fine, thanks." He wet his lips and looked back out into the yard to check on the dogs.

Jared turned to face the dogs, "Atka. Be polite." The husky skidded to a halt at looked up at Jared then bounced off again. Jared slipped through the front door and returned a few moments later with a mug of steaming hot coffee. Handing it to Jensen he smiled. "So, how long you staying up here?" He sank down in the other chair and picked up his own coffee again.

Curling his fingers around the cup Jensen inhaled deeply. He'd forgotten a coffee maker and he'd definitely missed the caffeine over the past few days. "As long as it takes," he shrugged and took a careful, testing sip. The taste exploded across his tongue, shooting across his senses, and Jensen let out a small moan. "Jesus Christ this is good." Jensen bit off a chuckle and looked over at Jared with a slightly sheepish smile and a shrug.

Laughing softly Jared took another sip of his coffee. "Forgot your own coffee maker? That happens a lot too." Jared studied Jensen's face. At first he hadn't noticed but just underneath the rim of the man's glasses was a dusting of freckles. They took away a bit of the _edge_ the man had, softened his features a little. By far his nicest feature was his eyes. Crystal clear and bright green, quite unlike any others Jared had ever seen.

Looking back out across the clearing Jared let out a low whistle and Atka brought the dogs back a little closer to the house.

"Yeah, guess I'm just used to coffee being around, forgot the luxury." Jensen smiled softly and let his eyes track the movements of his dogs. "Atka huh? She's gorgeous. And obviously well behaved." He turned slightly to glance at Jared, watching the devoted look flash in Jared's eyes. Fond of his dog, that seemed oddly sweet.

"She's my best friend." Jared turned back to face Jensen. "What brings you out here, Jensen?" Jared leaned back in his chair and stretched his legs out. "It's not exactly a popular vacation resort." Laughing, Jared lifted his coffee cup back to his lips and drained it.

Jensen's fingers pressed into the mug, soaking in the warmth. He took another, longer sip before shrugging. "I'm from Denver. So I just- needed a break for awhile. I've got some things to learn. Figure out. Seemed like a cabin in the middle of nowhere was a good place to do that." Jensen wracked through his thoughts, debating which question would seem the least evasive, the most casual. "You been living out here long?"

"A while, years. I'm not much of one for civilization." Jared liked the idea that this... Jensen ... was out in the cabin for the right reasons. Most of the people he'd met over the years had been fisherman or business executive who claimed they wanted some down own and didn't stay off their sat phones and laptops. "It's a good place to think. Bet your dogs will love it. What did you say their names were?"

"Blase and Purdy." Jensen looked up with a fond smile. It was good to know at least that he and Jared had that in common, even if he felt the slight twinge of guilt about lying. Jared seemed like a decent, if quiet guy and Jensen was... doing what he had to do.

"Blase is the mutt. Purdy is the golden. Weird, I know, but it's better than the alternative. My ex wanted to name them Rex and Rover. He uh, wasn't exactly creative." Jensen snorted slightly and shook his head, hating that he was already bringing Mike up into the conversation.

Jared raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms comfortably across his chest. "Your ex is a man." It was more of a statement for Jared's benefit. He nodded. "Why did you leave him?" Jared, as a writer was insanely curiously about people. His life was such an odd collection of opposites and conflicting attitudes.

"It uh, wasn't so much me leaving him," Jensen shrugged and rubbed along the back of his neck, fleetingly wondering who was doing the interview here. Shaking the thought off, after all the best way to get information about someone was giving some of your own, Jensen continued, "it was actually more of a mutual thing. Though within a few weeks he was dating someone else so, maybe it was more him." Jensen glanced over at Jared and watched the curious look on his face, "I'm gay, just for the official record."

A slight smile twitched on to Jared's lips and he turned to look at Jensen. "I got that," he nodded, "it was the _my ex is a man_ part. Dead give-away." Jared turned to look down at Atka as she padded up the stairs and leaned her head on his knee. "Why did you break up?" Jared was quite curious about interpersonal relationship, why people got together, why they split apart.

Frowning slightly Jensen extended his palm for Blase to lick as the dogs circled around him slowly to find a comfortable spot. "Right time I guess. It... it wasn't that big of a deal. I mean, we were well on our way to being done before we _were_ done. Just took him finally saying it officially. Then it was a big deal ‘cause we lived together and shit and, it's long and complicated. Sorry I shouldn’t be unloading all this crap on you." Jensen smiled for just a moment at Jared before draining the rest of his coffee.

"You didn't," Jared stated matter-of-factly, "I asked. Did I make you uncomfortable?" Shifting forward Jared leaned down to scratch Atka's chest. Jared liked asking questions and he liked people who answered them truthfully. It was obvious that Jensen was telling the truth, his eyes were clear and he had no trouble making eye contact with Jared. Strange. He smiled as Atka padded over to curl up next to Purdy and lean against Jensen's foot. "She likes you. She's a pretty good judge of character usually."

Jensen smiled and reached down to scratch behind Atka's ears. "I'm glad she approves. Nothing worse than not winning over a dog." He shot Jared a grin before letting his eyes sweep over his lengthy frame.

"So it's just you and her out here huh? Must be quiet." Jensen studied Jared silently. It would have been natural to say _lonely_ but Jared didn't particularly look lonely or sad, just the vaguest notion of _something_ that Jensen couldn't place.

"Very quiet. I like it." Jared looked down toward the lake. "I don't like the city much. I'm happy to just see Thomas every now and again. You must have met Meredith down at the store, she's crazy but I like her. Interesting character. What do you do, Jensen?" Jared turned sideways in his chair and got comfortable.

Pursing his lips, Jensen frowned once more and scratched along his neck. "I do... freelance stuff. A variety of things, like editing and such. Some writing. Everything's kind of hanging in the balance right now you know?"

Jensen shifted uncomfortably. He wasn't particularly good at lying but he was good at directing conversations in the right way to steer clear of topics he might not want to discuss. "What do you do? Can't imagine much work options living out here all secluded like this."

Jared stiffed slightly and leaned forward. "I don't need much out here." It wasn't the answer to Jensen's question but it _was_ an answer that might work. "What kind of writing do you do?" Jared was suspicious of everyone he met, it was in his nature. In a world full of social networks online, email and instant communication he'd had to pay careful attention to detail in order to keep his life to himself.

It was a fine line Jensen was walking; he could feel the careful balance of things and knew one slip up would ruin the surprisingly great beginning he'd had so far. "Technical. Analyst type stuff. Couldn't get a word of fiction out if I wanted too." Jensen snorted, shaking his head slightly. He wanted to push Jared with more questions but so far that wasn't getting him anywhere so he decided to switch up his technique. "Hey do you know anything about plumbing? I'm sure Thomas is a good guy and all but his upkeep, not so much. I've been without hot water the last few days and frankly I'm shit at that stuff."

"Did he turn the emersion heater on for you?" Jared's lips tugged up into a smile. He should really write up a list of tips and tricks for Thomas' renters.

Jensen looked blankly at him and shrugged. "I have no idea. I'm sure I could just give him another call. He didn't call me back but, well I'm sure he's busy." Jensen gave him the best warm, most flirtatious smile he could muster, hoping the man would at least clue in to the idea that he'd appreciate the extra help.

Jared looked down at Atka for a few moments. "If you want help - just ask. I'd much rather deal with direct questions. Not..." he looked up and smiled, "that you don't have a great smile." Jared liked to surprise people a little, shake things up.

Blinking at him for a moment Jensen let out a quick bite of laughter and nodded. "Alright, you caught me. I. I would appreciate your help Jared, if you have some time to spare. Nothing worse than a cold shower."

Grinning, Jared pushed up from his chair. "Okay. Jensen, I'd be glad to come over later and help you out. I have a few things to do around here right now. Work for you if I head over there in a couple of hours? Atka can come along, take the dogs along the water front." He locked his eyes on Jensen's and waited till the man stood to step back.

Pushing out of his chair Jensen nodded and held out the coffee cup. "Yeah, swing by whenever. I'll be around. And Atka is welcome any time." He grinned brightly at Jared, glancing down at the coffee cup between them. "Thanks for the coffee Jared, I appreciate it."

"You're welcome. I'll..." he shrugged, "see you soon then." Suddenly feeling a little awkward Jared looked down at his dog. "Atka, inside." She padded ahead of him and nosed the cabin door open letting it slam behind her. Picking up the coffee cups Jared followed her and offered Jensen a last smile before slipping inside.

"C'mon you two." Jensen smiled at his dogs, gesturing his head to the side until they both clambered up to join him. With a last glance over his shoulder he considered the cabin before heading back down the steps.

He was making good progress, as far as first steps went Jensen felt a little like he had an in. The reporter part of his mind was automatically cataloging the information and by the time he arrived back at his cabin he could hardly write fast enough, filling up the first few pages of his notebook within minutes.

Jared stayed at the window and watched Jensen walk across the clearing and disappear into the trees. He moved with purpose, the walk of someone who was used to the city. Head down, maybe he was thinking, but even then his hands moved out to touch his dogs gently each time they came close to his side. He was obviously fond of them. "What do you think, Atka?"

Blue eyes darting up to her master's the dog let out a small whine then looked back out the window.

Jared had lied. Well, it was more of a misrepresentation. There _were_ lots of things he could do around the cabin but he'd much rather just write for a little while and have some more coffee.

Although Jared's life was solitary by choice - he enjoyed some people's company. If he was going to continue to write he would need more characters and meeting people was one way to do that. Perhaps, having this fellow around wouldn't be so bad - if he kept his distance and Jensen turned out to be as interesting as he seemed.

Settling down at his laptop Jared started to type. _Heartfelt_ was already being printed but there was always something else to get out of his head. Some dark thing to be transferred to the paper.

Atka circled a few times and lay down at Jared's feet with a small huff of breath.

-=-=-=-

Time flew by for Jared when he was writing. It always had; it was like slipping into a different world, becoming someone different for a little while. It came to him in bursts of words, sometimes in the right order, sometimes pieces from all along a timeline. It was a bit like putting a puzzle together when he paused but he had learned long ago to just let the words come out and worry about their order later on. A couple of hours passed quickly and Atka got up to stand, stretched and then rested her nose on Jared's thigh as though, somehow, she knew it was time.

Looking down at his dog's face, Jared smiled. "You're spooky," he said after he looked at the time. Sliding his chair back he stretched out his own lanky frame and went into the hallway to retrieve a flashlight and an old coffee pot. A stop at the pantry and he had one of his bags of ground coffee beans and some of the home made dog-biscuits he always bought in the city for Atka. Slinging his jacket over his shoulders he filled up his pockets and picked up the coffee pot and flashlight and headed out. "Let's go."

It was a short walk around the point to Thomas' cabin although Jared tended not to walk in that direction. Atka sniffed and bounced her way through the trees, barking when Jared didn't move quickly enough for her liking. Thomas' cabin wasn't nearly as well kept up as it should be and Jared made a mental note to tell the old man that he would come over and work on it for him next time it was empty. While Atka tried to suck Jensen's dogs under his front door with her nose Jared laughed and knocked quietly.

"I know, would you just hold on," Jensen grumbled into the phone and stepped across the cabin, nudging gently at the dogs and tugging the door open. "Hey Jared, come on in, sorry. I gotta..." he held up the phone and sighed before turning around and stepping back into the cabin. "I don't care _what_ Tom says Mike, my name is on the lease until the lease is up and it'll look like shit if I drop that. When I get back I'm gonna need good renter's credit, I swear to god if you fuck me over I'm gonna buy billboards and put _certain_ pictures up for the entire city to see. Yes. Okay. Bye." Jensen snapped his phone shut and barely resisted the urge to chuck it across the cabin, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly before turning back to Jared and forcing a smile. "Sorry about that, I made the mistake of checking my messages."

"Everything okay?" Jared stayed in the doorway, one arm around the coffee pot. One of the reasons he only communicated with people by email. He didn't have to argue with them directly and could always argue that his satellite connection wasn't working if he didn't want to answer.

"Ye- no. No it's really not but nothing you have to worry about.," Jensen's lips once more flickered in a smile and he turned to drop his cell phone on the side table. Looking back at Jared he glanced at the coffee pot and his smile grew. "Is that for me?" Purdy and Blase were now hovering by Jared's side, nudging at his hand curiously. "Hey guys let him be," Jensen warned, snapping his fingers to pull them back.

"I have dog biscuits." He grinned and held the coffee pot out to Jensen. When Jensen took it he tugged the coffee out of his pocket and set it on the table. "There, that should keep you in morning brew for a while." He tucked the flashlight under his arm and tugged the bag of dog biscuits out of his pocket. "May I?" He gestured at the dogs.

Jensen chuckled as he snatched the coffee and carried it along with the pot to the kitchen. "By all means. Lord knows without my mother here to give them snacks they must just be _dying_." He chuckled softly, surprised by Jared's kind gesture of bringing the coffee pot over. "Of course by having this pot around it means I won't have an excuse to come by and visit," Jensen pointed out, calling over his shoulder.

Jared pulled out some biscuits and held one out to each dog. "You seem like a resourceful guy, I'm sure you'll think of something - or - you know," he smiled, "there's that whole straight forward thing we talked about before. Just come over?" Atka licked Jared's fingers and took the biscuit gently. Soon the room was filled with the quiet sounds of munching.

"Here, let me show you how to turn the emersion tank on." Jared waited for Jensen and led him down the hall. Pulling open the barely visible door half way down the hall, Jared flicked the flashlight on. "Here," the small dark storage room was warm and dry and mostly taken up by a large white water tank. Jared shone the light down the side and showed Jensen where the lever was. Shifting over slightly he nodded up at him, "reach down there and turn that red lever down. The tank will come on."

"Fantastic so next time I'm lacking hot water, I'll check here first." He smiled in thanks and shifted back slightly to give Jared room. "Do you live up here all year round? Is this your permanent home? Because man, winters in the city suck, I can't even imagine how much snow you must get up here." Jensen leaned back against the wall, absently rubbing at the brush of fur that moved against his leg. He smiled brighter when he looked down to see Atka there.

Jared straightened up, stretched his back and shoved the door closed. "This is my home," he shrugged, "Atka loves the winter." A smile moved back onto his face, "nothing better than watching a Husky in the first snow fall of the year. She really likes you... that's unusual." Tilting his head, Jared watched Jensen's fingers scratching Atka's head.

"It must be really peaceful, to see white snow. I mean, all the city snow it's like... gross," Jensen chuckled and knelt to scratch along the dog's chin, grinning when she bumped her head against his. "Do you meet a lot of people up here? I mean, does Thomas rent this place out a lot?"

"He doesn't really need the money; he picks and chooses when it's convenient. Spend a little bit of time here himself although-" Jared's eyes moved around the place. "I think I should offer to come over and fix some stuff up for him," he paused and turned back to look down at Jensen, "you know when you're time is over." Jared had finished working on his own cabin long ago and apart from maintaining it there was nothing major to do at the moment. Having Thomas' cabin to work on could kill some of Jared's down time.

Jensen nodded and laughed when Purdy and Blase joined the party, effectively pinning him to the ground. "Alright alright, off," he muttered and shoved at Purdy. Of course this only sparked the dog on and she was quick to nudge him back. They crowded in on him, nudging, trying to get him to rough house and Jensen coughed as a slobbery tongue slid across his lips. Raising his hand from the pile he grumbled a quick, "little help please?"

Laughing, Jared wasted quite a bit of time before reaching out and grabbing Jensen's hand. Hauling the man up from under all the dogs Jared smiled when he suddenly found him almost pressed up against his chest. "Like I said," he murmured quietly, "she likes you." Licking his lips, Jared slowly let his hand slide out of Jensen's. Up close the green was even more startling. Jared lifted a finger and pushed Jensen's glasses back up his nose. "There you go."

"Thank you," Jensen said softly, surprised by how much he had to tilt his head back to look up at Jared when they were this close. "I can taste dog drool," he chuckled hoarsely and lifted a hand to drag the back of his palm over his lips. "I'm pretty sure that your dog was the one who tried to put those moves on me. I'll have to let her down gently." Jensen grinned at Jared, not stepping back or forward, just testing out the limits.

"It's alright, she's a shameless flirt but she’ll bounce back quickly." Jared suddenly found himself thinking about Jensen's lips and how it would feel to kiss them. It's wasn't an entirely unpleasant thought but Jensen obviously was still extracting himself from a relationship. Things were never as good as they seemed. "I. Guess that's, all you need from me." Jared held his ground, eyes moving from Jensen's eyes to his lips and then back.

"You could stay," Jensen pointed out, smiling softly as his eyes dropped slightly. "I could, make dinner. To thank you. And, because I'd like the company." He took a stab at the being up front thing like Jared seemed so keen on. "I can't promise I'm a good cook but I'm a pretty decent conversationalist." Jensen let his gaze settle on Jared's once more, waiting to see his reaction at the idea.

Jared's lips twitched into a smile. Jensen was a fast-learner. "I have a feeling I'll have to watch myself around you." Jared stared at him for a few more moments. "I'd like to stay for dinner," turning slowly he walked back toward the door. "Can I let them out? Atka will keep them close by."

"Sure, they're pretty well behaved," Jensen nodded and watched Jared for a moment longer before heading toward the kitchen. Truthfully, Jensen was a bit of an _order in_ type guy and he was fairly certain there would be no impressing Jared with his cooking skills.

"You hungry for anything in particular?" Jensen called over his shoulder, inspecting the various and quite random items in his fridge. He was going to need to make a trip into the store soon.

"Do you have any food?" Jared opened to door and let the dogs scurrying out on to the porch. "Atka," he called out, "stay close." Turning back to the kitchen Jared laughed at the view of Jensen buried in an almost empty fridge. "Shall we walk back over to my place for dinner?"

Turning back Jensen sighed in defeat and nodded, "unless you want grilled cheese and ramen, probably wise. I guess a trip to the store will be on tomorrow's to do list." Jensen crossed into the living room and pulled his coat of the hook, grabbing his boots a moment later.

"You go there often?" He asked curiously. Most of the world was curious about Jared Padalecki but Jensen, having met the man, found that his writing made up the least of his curiosity. There was something about the man... Jensen would have to figure out what that was later.

"Once a month or so, depends how bad my chocolate craving is. I could go tomorrow if you'd like a ride, or company." He pulled the door open again and stepped out onto the porch. It was still early afternoon but it was getting darker already and looked like it might storm.

Face lighting up Jensen nodded. "Yeah, that sounds great. I have a pretty decent vehicle but I underestimated the back road up here. I bet it's a bitch in bad weather." Jensen's eyes lifted to the sky at a tell tale rumble before dropping to look around for the dogs. "Have you had Atka her whole life? Don't see a lot of pure bred huskies in the city." Jensen stuffed his hands into his jean pockets as he trailed after Jared down the front walk.

"I have, well; mostly she was still a puppy when I got her at a rescue place. A lot of people want huskies and then realize they're a lot more work than some dogs. Maybe 'cause we've taken them away from their more natural habitat." He shrugged and watched Jensen's gaze seek out the dogs. "Would you rather they stayed close to the cabin? I can call her back."

Jensen's eyes shot to Jared and he laughed softly. "Sorry. Mike used to call me an over-protective Momm. I just... a couple years ago they got lost and I guess I can never forget how it felt that day you know? They're really all I have in this world so I'm a little paranoid." Jensen shrugged and dipped his head down, small smile on his lips.

Smiling, Jared watched Jensen for a few moments. "I think that's sweet." Lifting his head he let out a high whistle in three short bursts. A bark sounded off in the distance and soon the men could hear what sounded much like a freight train ramming its way through the trees.

Jared burst out laughing, "not exactly stealthy are they?" Atka burst through the underbrush followed in short order by Blase and Purdy. "There you go," Jared bumped his shoulder against Jensen's, "your babies are safe."

"Thank you," Jensen grinned at him, head tipping back in a laugh as Blase jumped up as usual and tried to knock him down. "This one here, he's crazy. I think if I just had Purdy she would be pretty mellow but Blase, he brings out the crazies so watch Atka, just in case." Jensen easily wrestled Blase down as they continued down their path to Jared's cabin. "How long have you lived up here?" He asked curiously, watching Jared out of the corner of his eye.

"You asked me that earlier - you checking out my stability? Want an exact date? I was... legally emancipated from my parents when I was sixteen years old. I've been here ever since. Seven years, Atka's been here for six. The first year was pretty lonely without her." Jared moved up the steps at the front of the cabin. "Want me to keep the dogs on the porch or let them play just out here?" He gestured to the front grassed area. "She'll keep them here, I promise and she'll alert if anything happens."

"Yeah, they can stay out here." Jensen nodded, glancing back over his shoulder at them and storing the information about Jared away for later use. "So you're twenty twoish? That's a long time to live up here, so secluded." Jensen pointed out and smiled to make the observation sound better than it did. "You must really be fond of it here."

"I am." Jared paused with the door open, "you interviewing me?" He raised an eyebrow at Jensen keeping a straight face for a few moments then breaking into a smile.

For a moment Jensen's heart skipped a beat then he matched Jared's smile and shook his head. "I'm sorry, I'm being nosy. I just, I've always been a curious person. To be fair, you asked me quite a few questions earlier." Jensen grinned and stepped forward. "You can tell me to shove off though, I don't mind."

"I find you quite interesting." Jared held the door until Jensen was inside and then followed. "You're also a very attractive man. That will get you a little leeway with me." Moving over to his laptop Jared flipped the top down and moved it off the table over to the bookshelf. "Well, here it is, home sweet home."

Jensen was still stuck on _very attractive man_ and he stared at Jared, suddenly much more interested in the turn in the conversation. "I didn't realize you were gay or bi or remotely aware of the level of attractive in men," Jensen said softly and turned his gaze to look around the quaint living space. It certainly looked well lived in, pleasantly so, and Jensen took his time soaking in every detail, adding it to the puzzle of the man.

"That's one of the questions you hadn't gotten to yet. Sexual orientation." Jared shrugged his coat off and pulled his boots off. "I'm sure that will come up later." He smiled. "I have chili - you like that? Good and hardy meal for a stormy night?" Jensen was moving slowly around the room and Jared watched him. He was tactile, dragging his fingers over things.

"Chili sounds great," Jensen nodded and threw Jared a smile as he moved toward the bookshelf. Jared didn't own copies of his own books, though Jensen imaged he had the original manuscripts somewhere around. "The Stand," Jensen tapped the book and smiled. "Stephen King is one of my favorites."

"You read horror?" Jared felt his muscles tighten across his shoulders and moved into the kitchen to retrieve the pot of chili from the fridge and put it on the stove to heat up. "I liked King's early work, personally?" Jared walked back into the living room and held out a beer for Jensen. "I think he's churning them out too fast now, not the same attention to detail."

Jensen snorted and thought back to the disaster interview that nearly ruined his career. "He's definitely a little jaded," Jensen agreed with a nod before turning from the bookshelf and taking the offered beer. "I read just about everything. Well, not _everything_ but every genre. I can appreciate the healthy variety. Need any help with uh, anything?" Jensen offered, dipping slightly when a bark outside caught his attention, peering out the window curiously.

"She's just letting us know they're still there." Jared grinned. He didn't actually have a clue what the bark was, but it was amusing him to keep Jensen thinking he was some sort of dog whisperer. Padding over to the couch Jared flopped down. "Have a seat."

Jensen moved to the couch and dropped down beside Jared, unable to help the still constant shift of eyes around the room.

"So, about your sexual orientation," Jensen began as casually as possible, feigning disinterest as he twisted the cap of his beer and brought the bottle to his lips.

Smiling slightly, Jared took a drink from his own bottle. "Mhmm?"

A small flush of heat crawled up Jensen's checks as he laughed, "you're gonna make me straight up ask huh?" Settling the bottle between his fingers he grinned and arched and eyebrow, "do you prefer men Jared?"

Chuckling softly, Jared turned his bottle round in his hands. "Depends what I'm doing." He was enjoying the banter, it was nice to have some company and the closer he got to Jensen the more attractive he realized the man was.

Jensen's laugh grew and he shook his head. "Jesus you're just fucking with me now." He grinned at Jared and shook his head. "Let's just spell it out then huh? Who do you prefer to fuck?" Jensen's grin morphed into a smirk as he considered Jared around the mouth of his beer bottle.

"Technically, I like to _be_ fucked." Jared's fingers tightened around the bottle and he waited a few moments to let his words sink in then turned to look at the other man out of the corner of his eye. "What about you?" He couldn't help looking at Jensen's lips again and enjoying the pleasant feel of his stomach fluttering with the excitement of the _first_ flirtations.

Swallowing thickly Jensen lifted a hand to rub into his hair. "I uh, I like to do the fucking," he nodded, bringing the bottle up to completely drain. _This_ was certainly an unexpected turn of events and genuine bonus that made being here a whole lot more appealing. "Which is really just fortunate huh?" Jensen smirked slightly at Jared and settled back on the couch, stretching his legs out and crossing them at the ankle, arm draping out against the back of the couch.

"Considering the odds, you'd almost think someone set it up." Jared turned his head to look at Jensen. "You a spy? Sent to tempt me?" Jared smiled slightly, still turning the beer bottle around in his hands.

Jensen's heart did that odd little flip thing again but he shoved it away with a bark of laughter. "Oh yeah. Sent by the devil to tempt you into sin and all that shit." Jensen enjoyed the sound of Jared's laughter and he officially decided that this assignment really might not be that bad.


	2. Chapter 2

As fate would play out, Jensen and Jared got along _really_ well. Jensen hadn't really been anticipating an instant sort of attraction to the man, and there was that, the lower, primal action that told him yes, Jared Padalecki was fucking hot. But there was also something deeper.

They had a lot in common, even if Jared came from a different world than Jensen and as the evening progressed he found that spending time with the man wasn't a chore at all. Jensen supposed it had a lot to do with the comfort of his own environment, but he couldn't place a reason why Jared would be so against an interview. Even just one, to satisfy people's curiosity.

It was raining by the time Jensen headed up the path with Jared's flashlight and umbrella, Purdy and Blase in tow. He'd made a promise to come by sometime in the morning so they could head down to the store and it didn't surprise Jensen as much as it should have that he was actually looking forward to it. He was smart enough to understand that nothing could really happen between Jared and himself, after all it wasn't like the man was going to be too pleased with him when the article was published in a month or so, but there was no reason Jensen couldn't let off a little steam until then. He'd just need to remember to be careful for both their sakes.

Because of the last two nights not sleeping so well, and the now warm full weight of his belly, Jensen was asleep mere minutes after collapsing onto the bed, deciding he'd write down the new information he learned about Jared the next day. He was swimming in and out of some dream in which Purdy and Blase were flying him through the clouds, yes it was pretty weird, when a loud crash echoed throughout the house and Jensen nearly jumped out of bed.

Purdy and Blase were instantly up off the bed, darting out of the room in direction of the noise and barking loudly. "What the-" Jensen broke off as he skidded just out of the bedroom and suddenly found himself standing under a torrential downpour of rain that was already pooling along the living room floor and into the bedroom.

"Jesus Christ," he whispered in shock, letting the rain soak him for a moment before kicking into gear.

By the time he was certain his clothing, notebooks and laptop were safely secured at the top of the closet, the water was ankle deep in his bedroom. Jensen was shivering already, completely soaked through and he called for the dogs over a roar of thunder before heading for the door.

Naturally he'd forgotten the flashlight and umbrella, not that the later mattered much considering he was already drenched and it took him a good fifteen minutes to make it to Jared's. He banged on the door twice, crossing his arms and shaking with the cold.

Atka was already at the door snuffling when Jared stumbled out of the bedroom. It was cold and the rain was pounding down on the roof. It was almost deafening. Jared tugged the door open and was shocked by the burst of wind and rain that slammed into him.

"Jesus _Christ_." He reached out and grabbed Jensen's arm pulling him in to the cabin. He didn't need to call the dogs; they were smart enough to dart inside the moment the door opened. "What the hell happened?" Jared wrestled the door closed and darted down the hallway returning moments later with a huge towel. He slung it around Jensen's shoulders and rubbed his shoulders.

"T-the roof." Jensen's teeth clattered around the words and he huffed out a shaky breath, flinched when both Purdy and Blase chose to shake their fur out. "G-guys don't." Jensen stepped forward slightly and swayed, heavy with the wet sweat shirt and jeans he'd pulled on. "Sorry I. Nowhere else really to go. I- _fuck_ it's cold."

"Don't worry about them," Jared pulled the towel tight around Jensen. "Get those clothes off and I'll start up a fire. You okay to stand here?" He stepped back slowly making sure Jensen wasn't going to fall over. Jared might have actually _wished_ that Jensen would have asked to spend the night - but this was a hell of a way to get his wish.

Jensen managed a slight nodded and didn't hesitate in shoving at the soaked denim. He wasn't shy by any means and currently getting out the wet clothing sounded like the best idea in the world. It took him a lot longer to yank at the sweatshirt, the thick cotton heavy on his bare shoulders. Jensen debated for a moment before shoving his boxers down as well. They were just as soaked as his jeans after all. He wrapped the towel around his waist, drying off as he could, stepping away from the drenched clothing and kicking them slowly across the hallway to the wall and out of the way.

Jared poked at the fire he had started in the fireplace until there was a decent flame going. "C'mere," he held yanked a huge blanket off the couch and held it open. Jensen looked frozen; Jared could see his teeth were still chattering.

Shuffling across the room to the fireplace Jensen's lips quirked up in a shaky smile. "F-fucking roof just- boom." He nodded and stepped closer to Jared, feeling the brush of the blanket along his bare chest. He turned in it so Jared could drape it over his shoulders, fingers instantly reaching out to curve around the edges of the blanket and hold it as close as possible.

Jared rubs his palms up and down Jensen's arms. "You get comfy on the couch; I'll make you a warm drink." Moving through the cabin quickly Jared plugged in the kettle to make some tea then went into the bedroom to drag some old blankets out. Once back in the living room he spread the blankets out on the floor in front of the fireplace for the dogs.

Atka moved immediately to spread out in the middle and Jared laughed, "Atka, share." The dog huffed and moved over to the side of the blankets. "Blase, Purdy." Jared patted his leg and called Jensen's dogs over. "They're okay? Just wet yeah?" Bending at the waist he scratched the dog’s damp ears.

"Just wet." Jensen nodded, tucking the blanket around him as much as possible. It occurred to him how fuzzy everything was and he frowned in confusion before touching his face and sighing. "I hope it doesn't flood too much. My glasses are in the nightstand and I don't have a replacement pair up here." Warmth was slowly starting to crawl through him and Jensen watched Jared showing some attention to his dogs with soft eyes.

When the dogs were settled Jared went back into the kitchen and returned to Jensen's side with a steaming cup of tea with lots of sugar in it. "Here," waiting till Jensen took the mug Jared sat down beside him. "You need me to go and get your glasses for you?" He reached up, impulsive as usual and pushed the damp hair off Jensen's forehead. "I can be there and back quickly."

Glancing up at him Jared swam into focus and Jensen smiled softly, pressing his palms hard against the mug. "Nah, I'm good. I don't think I'll be reading anything tonight." He sighed shakily and leaned into the touch slightly, bringing his legs up onto the couch as much as possible. "Thanks though. I- all of this, thanks. You didn't have to be so nice."

Frowning, Jared leaned back on the couch and held his arm out to tuck Jensen into his side. "Body heat," he stated simply. "And, you don't have high expectations of people. I couldn't very well bring the dogs in and leave you outside could I?" He smirked at Jensen and waited to see if he would take the offer of his arm.

Pushing himself forward Jensen nearly fell into Jared's body, instant heat curling into him. "You really haven't been out in the city for seven years," Jensen muttered quietly, shuddering for a moment before nearly half crawling on him. "Thank god I have the dogs to persuade you," he teased quietly, sighing softly as the cold began to disappear completely.

"I was just out there a few days ago actually. Had a meeting with the Devil's right hand woman actually." He chuckled softly and curled his hand round Jensen's mug. "You done with this? You fall asleep and you'll drown me in it." Tucking his arm around the shivering man he pulled him as close to his chest as he could.

"M'done," Jensen murmured, relieved when his body _finally_ stopped its lingering shake. "Devil's right hand woman hmm? Sounds terrifying. What did you do? Make some sort of deal? Sell your soul?" Jensen smiled sleepily, leaning hard into Jared's body.

"Pretty much sold my soul." Jared sighed and let his hand fall to the back of Jensen's neck. "You warm enough now? I can move." He smiled, fingers rubbing the still cool flesh gently.

"I don't want you to move," Jensen admitted, finding it easy to be honest when he was in this post freezing cold pressed against warmth moment.

"Do you want to move?" Jensen asked, turning slightly to look up at him.

"No, I'm quite happy." Jared slid down a little on the sofa and kicked his feet up on the coffee table. He chuckled when the dogs all looked up at him. "Just getting comfy, everyone relax." Looking down at Jensen he smiled. "So tell me, what exactly happened at your place? That was rather a lot of information all at once and your teeth were chattering quite a bit."

"God man, I was sleeping." Jensen let himself slide against Jared's body, pleased by how warm he was now. "There was this loud crash. I think a tree landed on the roof or something. It crashed right through the ceiling outside my bedroom. The water was up to my ankles when I left," Jensen frowned and shook his head. "I stuck around long enough to tuck my valuables along the top shelf of the closet."

"Jesus," Jared whispered. "Unfortunate for me, I mean, here I was lying in bed wishing you'd stayed. Oh wait," he teased. "That means this is a good thing, perhaps I should be careful what I wish for." The flesh at the back of Jensen's neck was actually warmer and Jared returned his hand to the back of the couch.

Chuckling softly Jensen nodded. "Those wishes could be dangerous things." Glancing up at Jared his grin grew, "or really good things. Only, with that place all flooded, I don't see how I could stay there. Unless by some miracle when we go to look tomorrow it's not nearly as bad." Jensen decided thinking about the cabin wasn't going to make him feel good. If he had to leave then there would be little to go on in ways of an actual issue dedicated to Jared Padalecki.

"You could stay here." Jared breathed softly, turning his head into Jensen's damp hair. What could it hurt? Jensen would be around for a while, and then he'd be returning to his life. He seemed like an interesting man and the dogs were no problem.

"Yeah?" Jensen continued to grin, pleased that he hadn't even needed to ask. "I'd like that." The fact that it was the honest truth was a little unsettling but Jensen was finding a lot of things about Jared tended toward the feeling.

"Of course," Jared nuzzled into Jensen's hair, "there's a drawback." He was good at this, the lure; drawing people to him. _Like a moth a flame his father had said._

Jensen swallowed thickly, surprised at the heat Jared's touch was sparking up in him. "Oh yeah? And what's that?" He braced himself, wondering if he was about to learn about some weird thing Jared did, the very reason he hid out here instead of joining society.

"One bed." Shifting slightly Jared slid his hand under the edge of the blanket and smoothed it up the cool flesh on Jensen's thigh. "I believe in saying what I want, in case you hadn't noticed. You're here for a while, I'm here." Jared's fingers dug hard into the man's thigh. "Sleep on it, let me know what you think."

Jensen let out a strangled scoffing noise and rolled back slightly to stare at Jared. The heat of his hand dug into his thigh and Jensen unconsciously spread his legs. "Like I have to sleep on _that_ offer." It almost felt like it came out of nowhere but thinking back, Jensen realized they'd been casually flirting and teasing each other all day, _and_ Jared was up here all alone, he probably didn't have many gay men come parading into his life.

"Good," Jared's hand slid higher on Jensen's thigh. "I'd better warm you up then." Slipping off the sofa Jared moved around until he was settled in the V of Jensen's legs. The heat of the fire had filled the room, the golden red light wavering over Jensen's face. Lifting up his eyes Jared smiled at the man through his lashes, one eyebrow lifted as his hands slid higher.

Sinking back into the couch Jensen bit down on his lower lip and spread his legs even wider, giving Jared more room. The blanket fell slowly off his shoulders and Jensen could already feel the heat of arousal swirling up in him. "How you gonna do that?" He murmured softly, reaching out to brush hair from Jared's brow.

Jared's smile widened and his hands moved up over Jensen's hips, over his abs and up to his chest. "A variety of ways," he murmured, voice soft and rough. Thumbs flicking over Jensen's already hardened nipples Jared's eyes dragged down the body spread out in front of him, settling on Jensen's hardening cock. Letting his hands glide back down Jared curled his fingers around Jensen's shaft, feeling it lengthen and thicken beneath his touch. Kneeling up higher he bent forward, eyes still locked on Jensen's and brushed his lips across the head of the man's cock, tongue darting out to wet the hard flesh.

" _Jesus_ ," Jensen whispered, lost somewhere between shock and awe. Jared was _too much_ , Jensen had never met anyone like him. One minute he was mysterious and quiet and the next he was here, between his spread legs and fucking licking his _cock_. Gasping softly he stared down at the sight and rolled his hips up slightly, encouraging Jared to do _something_ because he was fairly sure he'd never been so hard, so fast, in his life.

Slipping one hand down, Jared ran his fingers over the man's balls; rolling them gently between his fingers. He stroked Jensen's taut, hot flesh with his free hand - eyes trailing up the man's body, darting across the muscles rippling under his flesh. Tongue darting out quickly he lapped at the head of his cock, tonguing the slit gently. Bringing his hand back up he ran it along the top of Jensen's thigh, tracing his hip bone then curving his hand over and gripping tightly. When he was sure he had a firm grip on Jensen he twisted slightly to the side and sank his mouth down over the man's cock.

If it wasn't for Jared's hand on his hips, Jensen was fairly certain his body would have snapped up off the couch. Jared's mouth was liquid fire along his skin and he panted roughly, head lolling back into the sofa as his fingers settled in Jared's hair. "God. So fuckin'-" Jensen moaned low and deep, body writhing against Jared's touches. Jared sucked him like there was no place he'd rather be and it sent sharp thrills of pleasure up Jensen's spine.

Hollowing his cheeks, Jared swallowed around the heat of Jensen's cock. His tongue traveled in smooth circles, pulsing, sliding; his teeth grazed gently over the hot flesh, hand squeezing the base. He loved this, loved knowing he could make someone feel this good. Jensen's hips were rolling gently against his grip, spine arching and falling back against the sofa. Humming softly he sucked hard, drawing the taste of pre-come into his mouth.

There was no way Jensen was going to last much longer through this. Being in his parent's basement for more than six months had all but killed his sex life and Jared was _good_. Better than. Each flick of his tongue, pressure from his cheeks, burned along Jensen's veins and shoved him toward the edge with raging intensity.

"Shit. J-Jared..." he nearly growled the words, fingers tightening in Jared's hair, tugging sharply in a warning.

Jared simply held on tighter, moaning softly as he felt Jensen's cock twitch and throb then the always amazing sensation of hot come flooding his mouth. Swallowing, sucking in air through his nose, Jared sucked and licked Jensen through his orgasm and worked every drop he could from the man.

As his orgasm ebbed off through his senses Jensen tugged on Jared, pulling up his body to crash their lips together. He didn't give Jared time to react, simply shoved his tongue roughly forward, chasing the lingering flavor of himself along every inch of the man's mouth. Jensen moaned into the kiss and brought his freehand up to run down Jared's chest, sliding low to palm against the hard bulge in the front of Jared's sweats.

Hips rocking forward into the touch Jared almost purred into the kiss. Jensen's lips were pretty much perfect for kissing, soft, warm, full and he _knew_ how to kiss. Jared's mind blanked out, tongue tangling with the other man's, mouth opening wide to grant him as much access as he wanted. He ground his cock against Jensen's hand, hips rolling frantically; wanting to come, wanting relief.

Feeling much more in control of himself now that he was the one taking charge, Jensen's hands palmed back up Jared's chest and pulled him roughly up. He tugged at Jared's sweats as he shoved him back on the couch, swiftly moving around to kneel between Jared's legs, knees pressed hard into the couch cushion. Jared's legs were mostly trapped by his sweats around his thighs and Jensen smirked down at him before dipping down and swallowing him as deep as he could. Jared was long and thick and fucking _gorgeous_. It didn't surprise him in the least that Jared was proportionate and the way his flesh tasted was enough to cause Jensen to suck harder.

Jared's body jolted up off the couch, hand slamming into the back cushion and grabbing on hard. "Jensen..." he hissed, unclear of how he'd suddenly ended up with his cock in the man's mouth. Jensen was stronger than he thought and ... Jared's body actually _really_ seemed to like that. Hips twisting in a slow circle Jared moaned softly and slid his fingers through Jensen's rain damp hair.

Relaxing his jaw Jensen let Jared practically fuck up into him for a long few minutes before he held him down roughly and controlled the slow bob of his head. His tongue twined along every inch of Jared's skin as he moved, lapping at the pre-come, free hand rolling into Jared's balls. Curling his fingers slightly Jensen let the tip of his finger rub in small circles along Jared's entrance as he hollowed his cheeks and sucked harder on Jared, enjoying the explosion of taste on his tongue with another small spurt of pre-come.

It all went faster than Jared expected; his cock was aching - so hard he couldn't begin to think about trying to hold back. Even as he felt his balls draw up tight against his body, he threw his head back and jammed his fist in his mouth quieting his moan. His hips shot up and he felt his cock nudge the back of Jensen's throat and then his orgasm shattered apart inside him. He came in pulses, waves of shudders than tensed every muscle in his body.

Jensen eagerly swallowed down everything Jared had to offer, sucking him through the gentle pulses. When he finally broke free, kneeling back slightly, he couldn't help grinning down at Jared. "I think. I'm gonna be okay with this arrangement." He chuckled softly and crawled up Jared's body, tilting his head to the side to brush a slow kiss to Jared's lips.

So easy to let his lips part for another kiss. _Too easy_. Jared smiled against Jensen's mouth and glanced down at the empty blankets in front of the fire. "Freaked the dogs out," he murmured just before biting Jensen's bottom lip and rolling it between his teeth.

For a few minutes Jensen simply melted into the kiss before he pulled back and grinned, "good. It would have been a tad disturbing if they'd stuck around to watch. Knowing my mutts, they're asleep on your bed." Jensen chuckled and brushed their noses together once, blinking as he realized the touch was far too affectionate to be normal. He slid back slightly until he was sitting, reaching out to help tug Jared's sweats back up.

It took a considerable amount of energy for Jared to laugh softly. Reaching down he flopped the blanket back over Jensen. "Stay. Warm," he murmured. The feeling had sunk over him, that sweet I-can't-move sensation of post-sex haze. Entirely too much time had passed since Jared had experienced this feeling and it made him more than a little happy to realize that Jensen might just be around for a while. "Want to go conquer the bed from the furry beasts? If I send Atka out, she'll start a cuddle fest on the sofa."

"I think we can take them on." Jensen nodded, grinning into Jared's neck for a moment before tipping off the couch and dragging Jared up. "Though they sleep in my bed at home so they're used to a life of luxury. I spoil them ruthlessly, my bad."

Jared's smile faded just the slightest bit. "Well, I don't have you forever so they can all sleep out here." His expression softened, "they'll get you back eventually." Slipping his fingers into Jensen's hand he tugged him down the hall.

Jensen followed along, losing himself in the odd swirl of emotions the words sparked up in him before shoving them away. It was a matter of lust anyway, physical attraction and the idea of companionship, nothing more. "Maybe we'll just have to go at it on the bed, seemed to scare them off last time." He pointed out with a sly grin as Jared led him to the bedroom.

"I'm tired," Jared said. "It _is_ the middle of the night if you recall, besides, you should rest - you've had and interesting night." As they reached the bedroom, Jared simply murmured "couch, Atka." The Husky let out a very loud sigh and hopped down off the bed. Jared glanced at Jensen, "your turn." While the other man was shifting his dogs Jared slipped out of his clothes and climbed under the down quilt.

It was hard to get Purdy and Blase to meander out of the room but the moment they'd passed the threshold Jensen closed the door and sighed in relief. "Clearly you need to teach me your dog whisperer skills because mine don't see me as the pack leader." He grinned as he headed back to the bed, sliding under the quilt and shifting on the bed, not certain how things would be now when it came to sharing a bed.

Rolling quickly to face Jensen, Jared slid down under the covers and pressed up against his side. "The sound of the rain always makes me sleepy." Snaking his arm over the man's waist Jared curled into the heat of his body. "When I was a little kid I was terrified of storms. Used to wake up sweating and almost unable to move." He sniffed, scratched at his nose and tucked his hand up against his chest.

Seeing a little chance of an opening Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared and held him close. "What did you do? How did you get through the storm?" He asked quietly, stroking a hand along the back of Jared's neck.

Taking a deep breath, Sam considered his options. He'd spent years not talking about it and wondered if there might be a difference if he said it out loud. "I used to curl up as small as I could, tight in a little ball. One night - the storm was so bad the windows were shaking."

Jared's voice felt too small for the room and he shifted closer, leg sliding over Jensen's. "Called my Dad." Jared wasn't prepared for the fear that welled up in him, the utter hopelessness. _Just like he was there again._ "He... he didn't make it better." Jared moved his cheek against Jensen's chest and looked up at him, sneaking a small kiss against his jaw. "Sleep. We can talk tomorrow."

It was hard to relax with that suggestion of information lingering in the air and Jensen tried not to let his shoulders tense too much. "Night." He managed a tight whisper and tightened his arms around Jared, holding him as close as he could against his body. Things had turned back around again, Jared seeming just as mysterious as he had earlier and Jensen was beginning to wonder if this whole thing was going to leave him with whiplash.

-=-=-=-

Jared ducked his head under a particularly low hanging branch. "Holy shit," he murmured. Leaning forward Jared peered up at the sunshine that was now streaming through the huge opening in the roof beside the tree. "Damn good thing it didn't fall on the bedroom. We'll have to call Thomas. I don't know if it's worth him fixing all this. Tell him we'll take what can be salvaged over to my place till he can get out here." Stepping over a fallen branch Jared glanced over at Jensen.

"Shit." Jensen shook his head and braved the still pooling cool water, slipping off his shoes and heading for the back room. "God I could have been killed," he muttered and heaved out a relieved sigh when he spotted his glasses on the nightstand. If he went too long without them his head started to hurt and it was already reaching that point.

Jensen looked around the wreck of his room through the lenses and sighed once more before moving to the closet to ensure his items were still safely stored there. "So what's worth saving?" He called over his shoulder.

"Well," Jared grunted as he tried to haul a large branch off the sofa. "Probably not anything soft. The couch is... Jensen?" He laughed. "Your couch is dead." The pillows were a mess of mud and leaves, filthy and completely soggy. Stepping back, Jared stumbled and caught himself on the wall. Looking around the room he took a quick inventory. "TV's smashed - but it was old anyway, might be able to dry out some of the books on the top shelf out here. How's your stuff?"

Jensen was careful not to let his bag drop into the lingering water as he quickly opened it and shoved his notebooks and laptop inside. Turning, he carried the duffel out into living room and shrugged. "Thankfully I'd only brought in one bag; the rest is still in the back of my car. Looks like a couple outfits sitting out got thoroughly drenched but nothing that can't be washed and dried. Shit I hope this doesn't fuck things up for Thomas." Jensen scrunched up his face as he peered at the couch that was indeed looking very _dead_.

"Thomas will live, he's probably had worse things happen - the guy hasn't made it to his age by being a drama queen." Jared ran a hand through his hair and started putting some of the dry books into one of the duffel bags he had brought over from his cabin.

"Looks like the kitchen is alright for the most part, I’ll turn off the power and make sure it's all safe over here before we leave." His eyes drifted down to Jensen's bag. "Laptop? Were you working on something?" He finished pulling the dry books off the shelf and laid the damp ones out on the shelf flat to see if they might dry.

"Not really, just putting down words. You know? Sometimes you just have to get it out there." Jensen shrugged and walked slowly around the living room, picking up a painting that had once hung on the wall but was now thoroughly ruined.

"Oh shit..." he groaned and turned to head to the bathroom. As he expected, all his toiletries were swimming in a dark brown muck. Clearly the bathroom had been hit pretty bad. "Yeah, definitely gonna need a trip to the store," he grumbled as he came out squeezing his shampoo bottle and grunting when water poured out.

Jared laughed and swung the duffel bag up over his shoulder. "Bet you're missing the city now," he jibed.

Jensen stopped to consider it for a moment before shaking his head. "Actually and surprisingly, no. If I were home I'd just be moping around. This is, much wetter but the company is better." He grinned at Jared before heading for the door, snagging his socks and shoes from the ground. "Should I pull my truck over to your place? You'll probably have to ride along so I don't get lost."

"Sure, you gotta go back out to the main road so we might as well go into the store. Everything will be safe in the back of the truck." Jared shrugged. "There's nothing there but the store and all us locals." Climbing back over the tree, sloshing up a little bit of water Jared headed back outside.

Digging his keys out from the duffel bag Jensen pulled open the back seat and turned to look over his shoulder. "Dogs gonna be good outside? They can get into your place okay for water and stuff." Jensen trailed off as he looked at Jared and sighed, "am I being mother hen again?"

"We can take them if you want?" Jared grinned. "But yeah, Atka won't leave my property and she considers them part of our... her pack. So she'll keep them with her. S'up to you." Jared liked that Jensen worried about his dogs; it was always a good sign when someone cared enough about something to worry. Caring made people human. Jared pulled a small notebook and pen out of his pocket and scribbled out a few notes quickly.

Jensen watched Jared curiously for a few moments before shrugging. "They can stay. I trust Atka to keep an eye on them." He chuckled softly and tugged the driver's side open. "Whatcha writin'?" Jensen finally gave in and asked. Not asking seemed suspicious, even though Jensen had a fairly good idea.

Shrugging, Jared glanced up at him quickly then slipped the notebook back into his pocket before climbing into the passenger seat and closing his door. "I like to jot down my notes when they come to me. Sometimes... I'm completely convinced I'll remember them and then when I sit down to write - I've forgotten." He figured that Jensen had no idea who he was or he certainly would have mentioned it before now.

"So, you write." Jensen nodded and slid his belt on before starting the Land Rover up. Guilt once more nagged at him, even more intense now since there were _things_ between Jared and himself but this was going along well and he had a real chance. He couldn't ruin it. "What do you write?" He asked with a chuckle, spinning the vehicle back in a half turn before starting down the path.

"Do you know who I am?" Jared blurted out the question without thinking, nerves getting the better of him. "If you do - it's okay. I won't be pissed." Shifting his leg up on the seat he turned to face Jensen.

Stalling for time Jensen made show of looking around the path they were traveling down before sighing softly and inclining his head in a slight nod. "Yeah, I know who you are. I'm not like... one of those obsessive fans but I've read your books. Sorry, it felt too weird to say before." Jensen glanced over him, wondering if he'd made the right decision but knowing he wouldn't have felt okay lying about it. "And that's not why I did anything with you," he added, which was the complete and honest truth.

"I'm gonna go ahead and guess that's a little bit of a lie," Jared looked out the passenger window. "I never even told you my last name so if I were a betting me I'd say you have more than a passing acquaintance with my books." It meant that Jensen had at least seen the photos on the covers and you didn't recognize someone from those after glancing at them.

"Alright so you caught me, I look at your picture on the back of the book and jack off," Jensen huffed in defense, arching an eyebrow as he shot a look at Jared. "You know, they use that picture other places too, like when they write up about your books. It's been around and you're surprisingly famous. That doesn't mean..." Jensen sighed in frustration, scratching at his temple. "I wasn't thinking, oh god I can hook up with Jared Padalecki and won't that just be _awesome_."

Jared shrugged. "It's pretty awesome." He kept staring out the window for a few minutes. Obviously, it wasn't that big a deal. It's not like Jensen deliberately dropped a tree through his own living room ceiling, _nor_ , did he initiate anything between them the night before.

Jensen snorted and nodded, "yeah it is." He risked another glance over at Jared before reaching out and laying a hand on his thigh. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna go broadcasting your location or anything. We don't even have to talk about the writing stuff. You're just Jared in my mind and I'd rather you be that." It wasn't completely a lie either. He wouldn't tell anyone where Jared lived and the man had become more to him than just the elusive author he was sent to interview.

Jared suddenly felt a lot like he was twenty-two - which didn't happen very damn often. "Just. Just don't lie to me, okay?" He curled his fingers over Jensen's, threading them together. "I just- okay? Please?" Licking his lips he looked up at Jensen surprised at how emotional his own voice sounded.

Something clenched tightly in Jensen's gut and he nodded, squeezing Jared's fingers. It was the first time he really felt like he might be getting a little in over his head with the entire situation but it was too late now. "Ackles." He said suddenly and glanced from the road to Jared with a small smile. "My last name is Ackles. And I don't think I mentioned that I'm twenty six. And I've never written a book. So there, that's all the stuff I knew about you before I met you."

Staring at Jensen for a few long moments, Jared finally smiled. "Okay, Jensen Ackles. Okay." Jared nodded slowly and looked back out the window. Jared was silent for the rest of the trip into the store but his fingers moved slowly over Jensen's and both men relaxed as they made their way down the muddy road.

They had fun at the store, picking up enough chocolate and junk food to last them a while although Jared teased he would make it through the chocolate in only a few days. They were back in the truck in no time with several bags of food, some more beer and a bottle of whiskey. Neither man brought up the topic of Jared's books again. It seemed to have reached its logical conclusion and there were more important things to focus on. The way Jared's ass looked in his just-tight-enough jeans, Jensen's t-shirt outlining the muscles across his chest, their shared touches as they moved around the store.

A good couple of years being with Mike had taught Jensen to stifle most vocal concerns when it came to his dog's well being so if he drove a little faster than usual along the way home, he wasn't explaining it. Jensen was surprised when Jared made a remark about Atka being a dutiful guard dog and ruthlessly devoted canine and the remark soothed Jensen's nerves slightly. Enough for them to make the journey back safely.

They turned off a different path than they'd come down, driving a longer way around the shore before pulling up in front of Jared's cabin. The dogs were napping in a patch of sun in the front yard and Jensen couldn't help throwing a grin at Jared at the sight of all three curled together.

"I'm really glad they get along so well," he pointed out as he slid out of the driver's seat, glancing over at the dogs who lifted heads in unison to gaze at them, tails thumping along the ground.

"Told ya," Jared teased. "They know when they're on to a good thing; where else would they find such love?" Jared threw the duffel over his shoulder and grabbed as many of the grocery bags as he could and headed for the house.

"They're happy," Jensen murmured quietly, thinking how he'd never seen his dogs look so happy. With a soft sigh he gathered up the remaining bags and hooked his duffel over his shoulder before trailing after Jared inside. Dropping the items on the counter with a huff, Jensen rolled his neck and glanced up at the man. "The city is no place for big dogs like them. Maybe I'll just leave them here with you when I go," he laughed with the words, pretending he wasn't considering the idea and that it didn't make his heart ache slightly.

"Yeah right, you worry about those dogs more than most people worry about their family." Jared moved around the kitchen putting things away in the cupboards and the fridge.

"I can't say I recommend Thomas' cabin in its current state," he laughed. "Willing to bet there are other cabins at other lakes. You could take them out once a month or something... like a mini vacation for them _and_ you." Jared had already noticed that Jensen was sometimes tense; the muscles in his neck would cord slightly when he was thinking too long. Putting the last of the food items away Jared walked over and slid his hands over Jensen's shoulders, rubbing gently.

Instinctively Jensen leaned back into the touch, letting the soothing warmth of his fingers soak through him and relax his muscles. "We'll just have to see how life goes," Jensen pointed out quietly, head dipping forward to expose the back of his neck. "You're going to thoroughly distract me if you keep that up." Jensen pointed out, fingers hovering over the grocery bag on the counter in front of him.

Rubbing his fingers up the back of Jensen's neck Jared smiled. "Seems like you're a little tense. Want to take a hike with the dogs, there's a beautiful spot along the ridge to take photos. You have a camera?" Jared's fingers carded through Jensen's hair for a few moments before he leaned forward to place a kiss at the top of his spine then pull away. "I usually take Atka up there a couple of times a week - sure it's not your usual work out - but it's a killer." Grinning he walked over to the fireplaces and started picking up the blankets off the floor and made a mental note to bring out the dog bed from the back room.

Jensen's fingers curled over the counter's ledge for a moment, steadying himself, before he nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good. I'm sure the mutts would enjoy a nice long hike. I uh... could make up some sandwiches?" Jensen turned to Jared and grinned, "and yes, I have a camera. Can't say I'm any step above tourist but I know how to turn it on at least." He lifted his duffel bag and hooked it over his shoulder, half stepping down the hall. "Should I put this stuff in the bedroom?"

"Yeah, make yourself at home." Jared kneeled down in front of Atka and wrapped his arms around her only to end up with all three dogs piled on top of him.

Smiling softly at the sight Jensen headed down the hall to the bedroom. A little investigating and Jensen found the bottom drawer on the dresser was empty. He glanced over his shoulder before pulling the notebooks from the bag and laying them along the bottom, piling clothes over them. He'd have to make some time to write down information soon before he forgot. Once the bag was empty he shoved it into the closet before heading back out to the living room, grinning at Jared wrestling with the dogs. "You're all gonna be worn out before we even go on our hike!"

Flopping back on the floor Jared tried to turn his face away from Atka's persistent tongue. "We're uhhhg..." He coughed. "We're just getting warmed up." Wiping at his face with his sleeve Jared pushed up off the floor.

"Hey, Jensen, there's a day pack hanging on the inside of the pantry door you wanna grab it? There should be water bottles in there and a folding dog dish." Jared wound his way through the furry missiles to the kitchen and pulled some food out for their trip. "Then," he called out down the hall, "get your ass in here and make me those sandwiches you offered."

Jensen's head tipped back with a laugh, snatching the pack from inside the pantry before heading to the kitchen. "Oh yes wise and powerful master, your wish is my command,"

Jensen grinned and smacked Jared hard on the ass as he moved around to pull lunch meat from the fridge. "Roast beef good for you? Should I just trust you'll eat whatever I make?" He grinned at Jared as he pulled mustard and mayonnaise from the fridge.

"I will, in fact, eat whatever you make." Jared filled up three water bottles and slipped them into the side pouches on his day-pack then retrieved some dog treats from the jar above his sink and slipped them in the outside pouch. Shuffling back over to stand behind Jensen he leaned hard against his back and slipped his arms low around his waist.

Rolling back slightly into Jared's touch, Jensen couldn't help the small smile on his lips. Jared was just tall enough for Jensen's head to settle back against his shoulder, tilting slightly to the side to press a kiss to his skin. "I like you," he murmured against the skin and grinned. "And I especially like how you don't hold back on touching me. There is never enough touching."

Shrugging slightly, Jared sucked on the warm skin below Jensen's ear. "What's the point in holding back?" He sucked in a deep breath marveling at the spicy, sweet smell of Jensen's skin.

"People like touch. Makes us feel alive." Jared shivered slightly. "Did you say how long you were staying up here? I mean, you know, now that you're living with me?"

"Oh." Jensen rolled back slightly into the heat of Jared's body. "Few weeks, three or four. Depends on how things go." He turned in Jared's arms and leaned into Jared's body. "As long as that's okay with you of course. I wouldn't want to impose." He grinned up at Jared and brushed their lips together before side stepping to the counter to begin working on the sandwiches.

"Oh good." Jared purred. "Enough time to get to know all of you." He slid his hand down over Jensen's ass then moved over to the opposite counter to grab some fruit. "Almost ready?" A few weeks, at some point he'd have to start writing or he'd never meet his next deadline. "I'm working on a book," he offered.

"Yeah?" Jensen smiled softly and spread mustard across the bread. "Well I will have the occasional work project to look after too so, we'll have to keep each other in line." he laid the beef over the mustard and worked quickly to finish off the sandwiches. "This one gonna be in the same series? Or would you rather I not ask about it at all?" Jensen glanced over his shoulder at Jared curiously.

"Similar." Jared reached across and stole some roast beef. "Same main character - Nyght. Might reveal a bit more about his origins when I'm done. It's hard to know how far to take it." He leaned down on the counter and let his head hand down, stretching out his neck. "Sometimes, I think part of the reason that people like him is because they don't know about him. Maybe if people find out all the dark secrets he won't be so appealing. Or worse."

This was the type of stuff that Jensen needed to know, more than any personal information Jared could offer, people were obsessed with Nyght and any information could really change Jensen's career forever. Getting himself to ask about it though was harder than Jensen anticipated. "So you do have a whole background story on him? He's not quite as, avenger of darkness as he appears to be?" Jensen swatted at Jared's hand as he reached out for more roast beef.

"Well." Jared tucked his fingers over the top of Jensen's front pocket on his jeans. "I've always known his background." He tapped his temple, "all in here. I just don't think I want to write anymore. Do you ever feel like just giving up what you're doing? I. I don't know. God, this is boring. Let's get out of here." Pushing off from the counter Jared grabbed the backpack and held it open for the sandwiches.

Jensen finished wrapping up the sandwiches and slid them into the pack, smiling softly at Jared. "What would you do if you didn't write? Though, with all the books you sold and the simple lifestyle you keep, I can imagine you have a fair bit saved up." He moved around Jared to head for the door, stopping to scratch along each dog's head. "How old were you when you wrote Broken?"

"I was young. Seventeen. Don't tell. I believe my publisher consistently states that I'm five years older than I am. You know, who'd want to buy something that dark and fucked up from some kid." Jared shrugged and pulled the door open and stepped aside for the dogs to race out. "Come on." He took the pack from Jensen and slug it over on to his back, "Got your camera?"

"One second." Jensen headed down the hall and grabbed his camera from his pack, spinning and nearly tripping over Blase and laughing as he skid back down the hall. "Okay, let's do this thing." He chuckled softly and stepped up behind Jared to slip the camera into his pack.

Jared took off up the path, tugging Jensen along until they fell into a comfortable rhythm. At various points along the way they stopped to have a drink, take photos, and collect a stick for each of the dogs to carry.

Jared insisted that all dogs needed jobs. Atka lead the way up to the ridge, and Jared couldn’t help laughing at her. She was in her element with a full pack to take care of. The men spent the walk stealing glances at one another, laughing, teasing more information from one another. In all it took over two hours, one full bottle of water, three dog treats and a couple of rests for their small hiking party to make it up to the highest ridge.

The view was better than Jared kept saying it was which was a real surprise. It was peaceful staring out over the ridge, Jared's arm looping around him and for a moment Jensen imagined living a life like this. When his thoughts turned far too sentimental for his own good, Jensen stepped back and pulled the camera out once more to snap a series of shots, catching Jared in a few.

"When I was a kid, I jumped off the roof of my house because I thought I could fly," Jensen said softly, walking toward the ledge and peering down. "I _really_ thought I could. I was so _sure_ you know? You ever feel that way about something?" Jensen glanced over at Jared and smiled slightly, turning the camera up to the sky.

Jared was quiet for a few moments. "I don't know," he looked down over the edge then took a few steps back and sat down in the tall grass. "I think I believed things, like that, with that strength of conviction at one point in time. Things change as you get older though, you know?" Jared flopped back in the grass and Atka padded over to his side and nosed at his cheek.

Walking over to drop down beside Jared in the grass, Jensen nodded, spreading out beside him. "I used to feel that way about a lot of things. Strength of conviction and all. But you're right. You get older and realize the world just... doesn't work that way. It's kind of depressing." Jensen huffed and tucked one arm under his head, eyes glued up on the sky. "When was the last time you really, truly believed in something like that?"

Rolling onto his side Jared propped his head up on his hand and traced the seam down the side of Jensen's shirt. "Maybe, back when I was a kid." He shrugged, eyes staring off into the distance. "There's that amazing time when you're young when you believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're safe from anything. Nothing can touch you. Indestructible." Sighing, he closes his eyes for a few moments. "It was never really like that though. That's the first thing we learn right? We've always been weak; born that way, stay that way. We're never safe. That's. Well," Jared looked down at Jensen and moved his fingers up to lie along the man's pulse. It throbbed gently under his fingers, reassuringly slow and steady.

Storing and sorting the words in his mind, Jensen considered what path to try to take this conversation down. It was definitely the hardest _interview_ he'd ever done and he struggled with not thinking of it that way. Turning his head to the side he stared into hazel eyes and frowned slightly. "Something happened to you didn't it? When you were younger. Last night, you mentioned your father." Jensen shifted slightly, free hand coming out to touch Jared’s jaw line and pull him back into the moment.

Confusion moved across Jared's face briefly. _His Father_. "Yeah. I. It was the storm." Leaning forward he rested his head on Jensen's chest and listened to his heart, riding the slow up and down of his breathing. "It was the first time - Jared sighed. There was a reason he poured all this stuff into his books, it made him feel sick inside and like he was somehow _wrong_. He slid his arm over Jensen's waist and held on.

Frowning, Jensen wrapped his arms tight around Jared's waist, pulling him into the embrace. "The first time?" He whispered, voice surprisingly tight, body bristling with awareness.

"I told him how scared I was. It was stupid, I should have known better - but - I was just a kid you know? You think that your Dad can make everything right. Fix things. He." Jared closed his eyes, focusing on the steady thud beneath his ear. "He grabbed me by my hair and dragged me down the front stairs. I. I think that's the first time he broke my arm. There was. There ... was nothing to hold onto - on the stairs and I kept trying to catch something and my arm reached out and it got caught in between the railings." Jared could feel the tremor of fear start low in his body, creeping and slithering up his spine. "Left me locked out in the back shed. It's funny, I don't remember screaming but Jake said I screamed for hours."

"Jesus." Jensen whispered in shock, arms squeezing tightly around the young man. "God Jared. That's." he shook his head roughly, anger and defense for the man flaring through him. "Jake? Did this, Jared did that sort of thing happen a lot?" Jensen could hardly process this new truth and thinking about Jared having to go through something like made his stomach clench unpleasantly.

Jared pushed up quickly, wrestling out of Jensen's grasp so he could sit up. He shook his head and then scrubbed his hands over his face a few times. "Jake." He looked out over the view. "He was my brother." He called for Atka and buried his face in her fur for a few moments, she whimpered and sniffed at Jared's hair. "We should go back. Don't want to be out here after dark."

Jensen was more than willing to let the topic drop for now. Something that big had to be really hard to share with someone who was almost a stranger. "Yeah we should head back." He nodded and pushed up off the ground and glanced down at his two still passed out dogs on the ground. "If we're not careful we're gonna have to carry them down."

Smiling slightly, Jared reached out to pat Blase's thigh. "Come on you." He turned back and kissed the top of Atka's head. "Rouse, Atka." Barking, she snuffled at the other two dogs and got them going, nipping playfully and barking. Jared stood, swinging the pack back onto his shoulders and then crossing his arms tightly. "She'll lead the way," he murmured and strode off after his dog.

Blase and Purdy headed off after Atka and Jared and Jensen lingered back for a moment, watching them move. Just over twenty four hours knowing Jared and it already felt like everything was up in the air, crashing in on him. It didn't sit well with Jensen but he was confident that he'd get back into the swing of things. He was just a little out of his element at the moment. Another minute later and Jensen kicked himself into gear, half jogging to catch up to the group, lingering a few steps behind them as they descended the mountain.


	3. Chapter 3

For the rest of the walk home Jared was quiet and Jensen wished he hadn't pushed the topic as much he had. There was still that fine line between them and Jensen was alternating between the worry that he'd push Jared away for good or caused him to shut down completely. Neither of those things Jensen wanted so he lingered at the edges of Jared's silence, debating the best way to soothe things between them.

When they arrived back at the cabin Jensen barely had time to grab his notebook before Jared was shutting himself off in his room and declaring it nap time.

Jensen headed out onto the porch with a mug of coffee, the three dogs trailing along after him. They settled into a patch of sun curled together in one big lump of fur and Jensen smiled softly at the sight before heading back inside for his camera. He snapped several quick shots of the dogs before dropping down into the free chair flipping open the notebook. There was a lot he'd already learned about Jared and his pen practically flew across the page. Right now the notes were just a series of little ideas, bullet points he'd remember in the future when going to write his piece.

Once he'd finished pouring out everything he could think of onto the pages, Jensen rose from the chair and flipped the book shut, dropping it on the chair and heading back into the cabin.

Jensen took his time slowly walking around the living room, taking in all the little details. Jared didn't have any family pictures up, though given what Jensen now knew it wasn't that big of a surprise. The books were about as standard as they'd appeared yesterday. A wide selection ranging from horror to comedy, and Jensen couldn't help smiling at a few titles he hadn't expected to see on Jared Padalecki's shelf.

It was odd, Jensen expected to find some sort of _something_ that would give him special insight into Jared's mind but everything was fairly standard. Jensen stared down at the laptop for awhile and considered booting it up but that was breaching a level of trust he couldn't touch.

It was a little unnerving, considering how much of a mystery Jared really was. A man with two sides, some haunted past that seemed just barely hidden beneath this _do whatever the fuck I want_ persona. As he settled back into the chair outside and continued jotting down occasional ideas, he let his mind process and turn the pieces of Jared over and over, curious how they fit together and what it made up when it was whole.

Jared leaned against the door frame staring at Jensen through the small window before pushing the door open. "What you doing?" He yawned and stretched his arms up high over his head before leaning down to press still sleep-warm lips to Jensen's cheek.

Closing his notebook Jensen smiled and turned into the kiss, catching Jared's lips against his, free hand coming up behind his neck to pull him a little deeper. Jensen dragged his teeth along Jared's lower lip as he pulled back and grinned, "I was just doing some writing. How was your nap?" He dropped the notebook to the side and tugged on Jared's wrist to pull him across his lap.

Sinking down against Jensen, laughing quietly, Jared curled his hand over the other man's cheek and stared into his eyes for a few moments. "What you writing?" His thumb rubbed over Jensen's freckles. "I like that you have freckles. It's, odd." He grinned. It really was odd to see them. When he was far enough away from Jensen he couldn't see them - it was like something to look forward to. Yet another reason to get close to him.

"My freckles appreciate the compliment," Jensen murmured, hand sliding back through Jared's hair. "I was writing a letter to my kid sister. She's studying abroad in Italy for a year." This wasn't a lie either, even if Jensen had just barely started the letter. He was mildly relieved Jared hadn't come out while he was scribbling notes down about him. "I like your dimples," Jensen pointed out, grinning brightly at him.

"The hike wore me out," or at least, that was part of it. "What you want for supper?" Jared nuzzled into Jensen's neck, _Jesus_ he loved the smell of him - couldn't get enough of it. "Tonight," he murmured as his tongue darted out to lick at the sweat tinged skin, "want you." _Fuck_ , he'd wanted Jensen almost since the first moment he'd seen him. There was just something about him; he was under Jared's skin.

A small moan fell from Jensen's lips as his head tilted to the side, granting Jared's tongue more room to slide across his skin. "Want me huh?" He murmured, arm wrapping around Jared's back, fingers splaying wide on the small of Jared's back. "What would you like Jared? Tonight?" Screw food, like Jensen could think of anything besides the man with his body pressing down into his thighs.

"You," dragging his knees up onto the soft cushion Jared pressed his hips closer, "want you to fuck me. You said." He slid his hands down Jensen's chest and around his waist, untucking his shirt so he could slide his fingers over Jensen's warm flesh. "You said you liked doing that." He couldn't help his hips rolling forward as his lips dragged over Jensen's cheek to catch his mouth. Already, his heart was racing. "Could kiss you forever."

Gasping into Jared's mouth, Jensen's body moved forward up against Jared's, hands moving restlessly along his back. "I do." He moaned into the kiss and curled his nails into Jared's back, dragging along his shirt.

"Want to fuck you. _God_ you have no idea how much." Jensen's fingers threaded up into Jared's hair and he tugged his head back, scraping his teeth down the expanse of his neck. "Makes it so much better too- knowing you're gonna be begging for it. Begging for my cock to fill you up." Jensen sucked hard on the crook of Jared's neck, pulling blood to the surface.

Breath shuddering out, Jared arched backwards and hummed softly. Jensen was strong, the way he grabbed at him made Jared want him even more. His fingers moved up over Jensen's arms, gripping tight, feeling the ripple and stretch of his muscles.

"S.. _up_..." he gasped, "per." There was this spot that Jensen's lips would slide over on his neck that nearly killed Jared.

Chuckling softly against Jared's skin, Jensen slid back slightly, pulling Jared's head forward with one tight squeeze and brushing their lips together. "You mean you can actually think about food at a time like this?" Jensen murmured into Jared's mouth before releasing him. "Guess we must feed the beast."

Collapsing forward onto Jensen, Jared pinned him to the chair. " _If_ I move right now. I'm in trouble." His voice was thick, rich with the feeling of _want_ that was riding him. Feeling his body this responsive, this wound up was like some sort of wonderful torture. Sucking a few deep breaths into his lungs he slid his hands around and tucked them into the back of Jensen's jeans then mumbled something completely incoherent into his neck.

"Do you like supper as long as it involves you continuing to sit on my lap?" Jensen teased, hands in constant motion along Jared's back, arms, sides. "Not that I'm complaining. I can just imagine you like this, without clothes." He wet his lips slowly at the perfect image in his mind of Jared rocking down on him. "We're gonna have to try that." Jensen murmured into the side of Jared's hair.

"You're not helping," Jared muttered. He slid to the side slightly, pressing the bulge in his jeans hard against Jensen's hip.

"No?" Jensen laughed and shoved himself out of the chair, pulling Jared and laughing harder when they nearly stumbled back. "Whatcha makin' for dinner, Jared?" He asked with a sweet smile.

Pressing his lips together for a few moments Jared chuckled softly. "I'm going to make something that's quick." The expression on his face changed as he got a bit thoughtful. Humming quietly he reached down and grabbed the hard line running down the front of the other man's jeans. "Maybe something slow, make you wait." He squeezed and let go, slipping through the door and heading for the kitchen.

It was different, this lightness inside Jared. It was something he knew to appreciate while he had it - fleeting - like pretty much everything else in his life. Sighing he pulled out a pot and filled it with water and slid it onto the stove then flicked the switch on. "Pasta?" He called out through the slightly open window, casting his eyes quickly over the yard to check for the dogs.

Jensen slowly wandered into the kitchen, coming up behind Jared and wrapping his arms low around his waist. "Pasta sounds good," he murmured and chuckled softly.

"I believe Atka is training Purdy and Blase, it's quite amusing," Jensen pressed a kiss to Jared's neck, lips slightly parted.

"Jensen?" Jared closed his eyes and pressed his hips hard against the counter. Lowering his voice he almost purred, "unless you're gonna fuck me now. Right _here_. You'd better stop 'cause I'll wreck dinner." Straining to hold him up, his arms were trembling, fingers curled tight over the edge of the counter top.

"Wreck pasta?" Jensen chuckled and kissed his way up Jared's neck, teeth sliding along his earlobe. "I don't think you can wreck pasta," he pointed out, one hand pressing into Jared's chest, the other sliding down the front of his jeans, pressing into the bulge there. A slow smirk tugged Jensen's lips up as his hips rolled slowly forward into Jared's ass, faint moan rising up through him.

Stuttering out a quiet, "Fuck," Jared arched his back and leaned back hard against Jensen. His knee banged hard against the cupboard door and he hissed quietly hands shifting along the counter and knocking the bag of pasta onto the floor. _Jesus_ Christ- less than two days and Jensen knew just where to touch him, the way to make him so hard his body ached.

"Oh." Jensen whispered, smirk growing wide. " _That's_ how you wreck the pasta. Damn," he murmured against Jared's neck, sucking another bruise up to the surface. Jensen's palm rolled hard into Jared's obvious arousal, bringing him back to grind into his cock.

A rough moan fell from him as his free hand slid up along Jared's chest, fingers settling low along the base of his neck and tilting his head back. "Feel what you do to me? Feel how much I want you?" Jensen nearly growled, body thrumming with the control he had over Jared in that one moment.

Moaning, Jared bit down so hard on his bottom lip he could taste blood. Hand sliding up over his chest he curled his fingers over Jensen's hand, pressing tight against his neck. Every time he swallowed he could feel his muscles moving under the man's palm. Hips restless, cock aching Jared almost whimpered. Trapped in Jensen's grip he shifted restlessly, "fuckin ... _God_." Reaching back his fingers scratched at Jensen's denim-clad thigh.

Jensen's mindset had once more returned to _screw the food_ because there was no way he could really resist the need to take Jared at this point. Pressing forward, Jensen shoved Jared into the counter to keep him from moving too much, hand on the man's cock sliding up to pull roughly at the button and drag the zipper down. Heat shot through him as Jared's hand pressed his own hard into his throat and Jensen gasped, using the fingers to curl and pull Jared back, nearly dragging him across the kitchen. They slammed hard into the wall as Jensen's hand dug under Jared's boxers and wrapped around his cock, squeezing tightly then releasing. "Gonna, fuck you." He growled into Jared's ear, hips jerking forward into Jared's body.

Jared's lips parted and wordless sounds shot out of his mouth. The muscles in his legs went weak and his body dipped slightly, hands clawing at his own jeans desperate to get them off. "P-lease," he whispered. "I." He twisted weakly sucking in as much air as he could, "need it." His voice trailed off into a hard edged moan. He could feel his cock, weeping, full, and wanted more of Jensen's touch. His own fingers slid down under his pants shoving at the material and then wrapping over his cock.

Working swiftly Jensen brushed Jared’s hand away and stepped back, spinning the man around and shoving him back up against the wall, instantly crowding into his space.

"No touching, Jared," he murmured, voice deep, eyes trailing along the flush across Jared's skin. Tugging sharply on the hem of his shirt Jensen pulled the offending material off Jared's body before yanking up his own.

He pressed Jared hard into the wall, bare chests colliding as lips met and Jensen's hands dropped to shove at Jared's waistline, letting the material drop to his ankles. Jared's body felt overheated against his and Jensen moved rough against him, pressing him back each time Jared tried to surge forward. Need was pulsing through him and Jensen tugged at his own jeans impatiently, moaning in relief into the rough kiss as his cock was finally freed and the denim dropped to the ground.

Jared's head had thudded back hard against the wall and his lip was stinging under the crushing weight of their kiss. Kicking wildly out of his jeans Jared pushed hard against Jensen, fighting enough to get him to take more control, _take more_. There was so much heat welling up in his body he could barely breathe; a light sheen of sweat broke out on his forehead and he opened his mouth wide, inviting, tongue sliding under Jensen's. His hands moved over Jensen's body, sweeping down over his sweat-damp back and clutching at his ass. "Fuck me," he murmured into the kiss, "don't make me-" He broke the kiss and slammed his head back again widening his stance to try and stay on his feet.

"What?" Jensen broke the kiss and curled his fingers around Jared's hips, dragging him away from the wall and attaching lips to his neck as they backed down the hallway to the bedroom. "You gonna- make me fuck you?" Jensen grinned against the skin and barely swung them to the side before Jared could accidentally crash into the door frame.

The moment Jared's body stopped, calves bumping into the bed, Jensen stepped back and shoved him down roughly onto the mattress, smirk still in place. "You fuckin' better have some sort of supplies handy," he said through his up-tilted lips, hand dropping to casually stroke along the hard line of his cock.

Blinking, shuddering with anticipation Jared's eyes sank down over Jensen's body to his cock, watching the man's fingers works slowly along his flesh. "Drawer," he whispered and nodded at the nightstand as his palms slid down over his belly and settled over his hips.

"Hurry," he hissed, hips rolling up gently, spine twisting on the bed. "Don't make me wait." He whimpered and shoved himself higher on the bed. It was urgent, the need he felt it had been a long time since someone had fucked him, _too_ long and never anyone like Jensen. Jared could barely swallow. Jensen's body was hot, ripped with muscle and glistening with sweat. Moaning he looked away.

Trying not to stumble forward Jensen tugged the drawer open and grabbed the bottle of lube and condom, fumbling back to Jared, cap already popped open. He slicked his fingers swiftly and didn't even have to tell Jared, the man was already spreading his legs wide apart.

Jensen groaned as one finger slid easily inside him, " _fuck_ you finger yourself don't you?" His stomach rolled with the weight of his arousal and Jensen bit down hard on his lower lip before shoving a second finger forward, free hand curling up to stroke in slowly, twisting glides up Jared's cock. "That's fuckin' hot. Thinkin' about you fingerin' yourself." Jensen slurred, voice drunk with a lust haze.

Jared's eyelids fluttered closed as he reached out for Jensen's arm. He didn't even bother trying to keep his hips still, he wanted Jensen inside him, could almost feel the _need_ surging through his body. Pushing himself up on one arm Jared's stomach muscles tightened, ass clenching around Jensen's fingers he shifted forward. Looking up, eyes locked with Jensen's he licked his lips then reached out to ghost his fingers over Jensen's cock. "Enough." He mumbled in a low, thick voice.

"Don't wanna hurt you." Jensen murmured, hips jerking up into Jared's whisper of a touch. Pulling his fingers back he added a third to the mix and shoved roughly inside, watching as Jared keened and rocked back into the motion, body arching.

Jensen had never seen such a _needy_ bottom and _fuck_ if it wasn't the hottest thing _ever_. Growling low in his throat Jensen pulled his fingers back and fumbled forward for the condom, tearing at the wrapper with his teeth.

The noise drew Jared's gaze, “Don't need that. I." He wiped at his sweat-damp hair and tried to shove it off his forehead. Panting softly he tried to steady himself enough to speak as his hand settled over Jensen's. "I haven't since I was seventeen." Swallowing, he felt the blush of heat rising to his already burning cheeks. "Just- want you." His eyes were locked on Jensen's face, gauging his reaction. He didn't want anything between them - wanted the heat and the sensation.

Dragging his teeth over his lower lip, Jensen rolled the condom between his fingers for a moment, contemplating Jared's request. He and Mike were always extra careful, at Mike's insistence, and Jensen never got the opportunity to experience anything like that. "Are..." he frowned than shook his head, tossing the condom to the side. He'd be lying if he said he didn't _want_ Jared like that. Completely.

"Okay." Jensen nodded and slid closer, spreading lube along his fingers once more and groaning as he coated his flesh. "God Jared. I. I _want_ you so fuckin' bad." He moaned as he gripped the base of his cock and gently rubbed the head along Jared's skin, inching forward.

The smile that slid across Jared's face was fleeting. Spreading his legs wide he pushed his heels into the bed, fingers curling and uncurling on the rough blanket covering the bed. Shifting carefully he wriggled closer, twisting his hips to try and get Jensen deeper into him. "D-Don't wait. _Fuck_."

Licking his lips he lifted his legs, rubbing them against Jensen's hips. Reaching up he curled his hand over the back of Jensen's neck and tugged him closer. "Please, Jensen, fuck me." His nails dug into the other man's flesh, scraping down over his shoulder.

"Fuck you're needy." Jensen moaned, hooking his arm around Jared's legs and tugging them up to hook over his shoulders. He bent Jared's body in a curve, angling his ass up toward him and lining himself at the entrance.

Inhaling sharply Jensen pressed forward, tilting his hips down and just barely rocking forward. Jared's body almost instantly clenched around him, pulling him in, and Jensen held the breath in his lungs before slamming his hips roughly forward, burying himself deep within Jared's body, shoulders shaking from the sudden pressure.

Jared sucked in a breath of air; heart thudding as he remembered; his body remembered. His hands dragged through Jensen's hair, nails scraping across his scalp. He could feel Jensen trembling against him and let his hand fall forward to brush over his cheek. With a slight tilt of his hips he felt Jensen slide deeper, hot, the heat of his flesh shoving the burn of the stretch aside. Letting his head fall back he moaned loudly; his throat was dry and raw and his chest felt like it would blow apart.

Hissing slightly as Jared's body clenched around him, Jensen felt the vague flickering of Jared's touch along his senses before he reared back. He pulled all the way out of Jared and slammed hard into him, bringing Jared's body up into his.

" _Fuck_." He growled, rolling his hips against Jared's with another thrust. "God Jared." He moaned loudly and pulled back out, not giving Jared a chance to recover from the quick and constant thrust in and out. Every time he drove into Jared it made his heart clench and stomach flip.

It hurt and Jared could feel the burn as it slowly transformed into something slicker, stronger, something hot and spinning out of control inside him. Each slam of Jensen's hips felt harder, _more_ and Jared could barely catch his breath in between thrusts. His cock was aching, slipping against his belly and smearing pre-come on his skin. Panting, he couldn't catch enough breath to think let along speak so he just moaned, spat out small sounds and gripped hard on to any part of Jensen he could reach.

Jensen lost track of time as he repeatedly slid down into Jared's body, pulling the man up, bending and shaping him in the perfect angle. Every breath he sucked in made his shoulders shake and his thrusts pick up speed. Jensen's fingers tugged hard on Jared's hips, better angling him, driving in to brush his prostate with a hard slam forward. Moaning Jared's name in a slow drag, voice deep and thick, Jensen could already feel his orgasm curling up in him, swirling through his senses and blinding him.

Jared was sure his heart stopped for a few moments; Jensen's cock slid inside him and heat shot up his spine like fire and his chest heaved up off the bed. Vision flashing to white he squeezed his eyes shut tight against the flood of pleasure, sliding his hand down off Jensen's neck to stroke down the length of his cock. Groaning softly he writhed on the bed, struggling under Jensen's weight and thrusting up as much as he could.

Wrapping an arm around Jared's body, Jensen curled a fist around red swollen flesh and tugged roughly. Blood was rushing in his ears, thrumming through him, and Jensen was losing hold of himself, slamming hard enough into Jared to send him up along the mattress. He growled, hissed, dug his nails into Jared's flesh as his strokes along Jared's cock matched the pace of his hips. "M'gonna, Jared." Jensen moaned the words, urging Jared along with another angle down to slam into Jared's prostate.

Jared's body was a mess of sensations, pleasure, burning, pain, his muscles were clenching so tight he could barely breathe. Everything caught up to him in a wave of sensitivity that had him crying out Jensen's name.

Come shot in a burst of hot-white-pleasure straight up Jared's body landing on his chest and his neck. Shoulders lunging forward he nearly bent himself in half, air rushing out of his lungs. "Jen." He moaned long and low, cock throbbing and aching starting to pulse weakly as Jensen slammed once more into him.

Pleasure burned through him and Jensen wasn't really even aware of coming, just aware of the pleasant and constant pulsing tingle through his veins, along his senses. His hips rocked gently in and out of Jared until his knees finally gaze out and he just managed to pull free before dropping on his side next to the man.

"Fuckin' Christ." Jensen murmured, arm looped around Jared's chest, a faint quiver still working through him.

Turning slowly, hips aching Jared licked along Jensen's mouth until the man's lips parted and he could slide his tongue forward mouth opening and closing gently, slowly. He sighed out a breath feeling the sweet ache and burn throughout his body; it had been _so_ long and this was _so_ good. Not for the first time Jared found himself wondering how in all the world they managed to end up in the same place.

"Why," he murmured against Jensen's mouth, "why do you think you ended up here? I mean ... for me?" Smiling, he sucked gently on Jensen's bottom lip trying to reach across for him and letting his heavy limb simply fall across his chest.

Trying to ignore the guilt that swam up in him at the question, Jensen half shrugged and murmured, "fate I suppose." Deepening the kiss for a moment Jensen pressed into the man before pulling back and grinning, "or, we're just _really_ lucky. That was the best fuckin' sex I've ever had." _That_ was definitely not a lie. He'd never felt something so intense with someone and the idea that there would be much more of it in the future appealed very greatly to him.

Jared's smile broadened and he finally managed to get his hand over to thread through Jensen's hair. "Best I've... had in, well, yeah, ever." Wincing a little he shifted closer and stretched his legs out. He pressed one more kiss to Jensen's lips. "I think _you_ should make _me_ supper." Dragging his hand forward he rubbed it over Jensen's cheek, thumb sweeping up those freckles. So strange, having someone there in his bed; he _wanted_ someone there with him, well, Jensen.

Jensen snorted and shook his head. "Sure if you want soup and grilled cheese. It's a personal specialty." He settled back into the mattress, not really liking the idea of climbing out of bed anytime soon. Not that he thought his legs would work anyway. "I think there's a frozen pizza. We bought one yeah? That sounds promising." The less work the better in Jensen's opinion. "Oh and, in case you didn't know, we're going to be doing a _lot_ more of that."

"More," Jared nodded and shifted again. "I." He looked away for a few moments, lost in thought. "I'm glad you're here, maybe not glad Tom's cabin is trashed but I'm glad _you're_ here. I." he sighed. "Sometimes, I sort of rub people the wrong way." His eyes traveled back up over Jensen's face and he blinked slowly.

"Oh, you only rub me in _all_ the right ways," Jensen teased and barked out a laugh. "God that was lame. But uh, seriously, I like you. I'm glad I'm here too. Everyone has their things right?" He smiled at him and reached out to brush hair from Jared’s forehead. "I'm sure there's things about me that would drive a person nuts. Actually, I know there is, so you don't have anything to worry about." Jensen was compelled with the urge to soothe Jared which was oddly disturbing and pleasant at the same time.

"I'll make supper, there's pasta all over the floor." Jared laughed softly and groaned. "I think I might have hurt myself." The back of his head was aching and he was pretty sure he had some bruises. "Might need more insurance while you're here."

Jensen frowned and rolled slightly to scan his gaze down Jared's body. There were definite marks on his neck and Jensen was fairly certain he could see finger imprints on his hips. "Shit, sorry man I didn't mean too. God I don't even know what came over me. Are you okay?" His fingers trailed along the faintly bruised skin, frown etching deeper along his lips.

"I liked it." Jared turned back to him to smile, "I like..." He pressed his lips together and shook his head, suddenly feeling like his words would betray a little too much of what was going on inside his mind. "I should make supper. You hungry?"

"Clearly you are," Jensen pointed out and let his frown edge off slightly. "Sure I could eat. Build up some of the energy I just used." He chuckled slightly and groaned as he rolled to the side of the bed, scrubbing a hand into eyes as he dropped his legs off the mattress. "I'm gonna take a quick shower." Jensen pushed to his feet, stretching the over used muscles gingerly.

"Okay." Jared reached down blindly for some kind of clothing to clean himself off with and watched Jensen's ass as he left the room. "Nice ass," he called out, smirking. After he wiped himself down he threw the shirt into the laundry hamper, tugged on some boxers and headed out into the kitchen.

There really was pasta all over the floor and it was probably a good thing the dogs were still out front. Jared pulled the curtain back to have a look and all three dogs were on the front porch. After he swept up the pasta and managed to salvage what was in the bag he refilled the pot which fortunately hadn't boiled down all the way and then let the dogs in.

As soon as he heard the shower turn off he bent down to scratch Atka's head. "Go find Jensen!" He waved them down the hall and they clattered into the bedroom. Jared waited and listened. He hadn't told Jensen that Atka knew how to push the bathroom door open.

Jensen was just barely wrapping a towel around his waist when the door burst open and he was suddenly mauled by three over eager dogs. "What the- ah _Christ_ c'mon. No." Jensen groaned as nails dug into his flesh and dog fur matted on his water slick skin. Somehow he managed to work his way out of the room, shuffling down the hall enough to spot Jared. "You? Dead man. Seriously," he scoffed and shook water from his hair, brushing at the fur already on his skin.

"What?" Jared grinned as he watched the water in the pot start to roll to a boil. He added the pasta then hunted around for something to make sauce with. "Okay, so I have whole wheat. Long hollow noodle things, do you want tomato sauce or a white sauce? Cheese sauce? Me?" Without turning away from the stove he laughed softly.

Snorting a laugh Jensen shook his head and turned to head back down the hall to the bedroom. "Tomato sauce. And you. But not together cause that's the _no_ kind of kinky. Though I'm all for chocolate sauce and whipped cream," he called over his shoulder as he nudged past the dogs, who were still on his heels, and moved to his drawer to pull out a pair of loose sweats.

Opening a jar of tomato sauce Jared poured it into another pot and put it on to simmer. Walking over to his jacket he pulled out his notebook and scribbled a few thoughts down, wondering for the first time if he should just start writing something entirely different. The _Nyght_ books took a lot out of him. He was still standing at the table scratching his chest absent-mindedly when Jensen appeared at the end of the hall.

For a moment Jensen just watched Jared, observing how he looked lost in his thoughts. Finally he cleared his throat and stepped forward, "something spark in your mind?" Jensen fleetingly wondered if Jared knew how absolutely stunning he was. The man was probably the _most_ attractive person he'd ever seen, floppy brown hair and smooth tanned skin. Jensen swallowed thickly and stayed far enough away that it wouldn't look like he was trying to sneak a peek at what Jared was writing.

Scratching at his head with the end of the pen Jared turned and smiled over his shoulder. "Just trying out some new ideas. It's like it gets all jammed up in there." He tapped his temple and his smile widened. Tossing the pencil and his open notebook on the table he paced back to the kitchen to check everything. "Was thinking of maybe writing something different . After this book. I think if I reveal too much about Nyght- I dunno." Swearing softly he shook his head. "So, tell me about your writing? What do you write?" He stirred the pasta then added a bit of olive oil to the water.

Frowning slightly Jensen wandered over to the notebook and glanced down before turning and facing Jared's back. "Nothing really creative. When I was in high school I used to entertain this notion that'd I'd write some epic fantasy thing you know? Like the next Harry Potter without magic. And I have ideas but I can't ever get the _words_. So I stick to facts." Jensen chuckled softly and crossed the kitchen to lean on the counter beside the stove. "I think you should try a new idea, if you have something in mind. It's good to branch out."

"I got nagged about doing an interview." Jared opened the cupboard and pulled out the salt to shake it over the boiling water. "The Republic of Letter. You know it?" He turned to look at Jensen as he snatched up a dishtowel to wipe down the counter.

Pursing his lips Jensen nodded slowly, hands curling back into the counter edge. "Yeah, I've heard of it." _Fuck_ that wasn't even a lie but guilt was gnawing along his senses and Jensen kept his gaze away. "You don't like doing interviews huh? Why is that?" Jensen was contemplating going outside, just to end this conversation before he couldn't stop himself from slipping up.

Jared felt it fall over him, a dead weight, the anxiety that built in him whenever he thought of being interviewed. "You ever heard the expression _naked on a page_? Don't wanna be that. There's a lot of stuff that happened to me, around me." A weak smile curved on his mouth and he looked down at the pot of boiling water. "I already know I'm _shit_ , I don't need to put it out there for everyone else to know."

Pulling the pasta off the stove he drained it in the sink, steam swirling up into the air around him. "Gonna put my pants on, can you get the sauce?" Blinking a few times, feeling his eyes were moist he looked down at Jensen.

Jensen felt like a complete and utter asshole. Actually, Jensen _was_ a complete and utter asshole. He shouldn't be here doing this, betraying Jared like this. "You're not shit," he said softly and reached out to brush Jared's arm before turning to the stove. The smartest idea would involve Jensen packing his shit up, grabbing Purdy and Blase and getting the hell out of there before he completely destroyed everything. But the idea of leaving Jared now- it made his stomach clench weirdly and Jensen felt torn as grabbed the sauce and tried to bite off the urge to confess the whole thing to Jared.

Stepping around Jensen and pulling the fridge door open Jared grabbed himself beer and popped the top off. "Be right back." Taking a few big gulps he wandered down the hall and into the bedroom wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.

A million years ago when he was still too young to tell people they could _fuck off_ when they suggested therapy, Jared had tried. He'd spoken to a complete stranger for days, poured his heart out and nothing had happened. Nothing had changed. Groups were horrendous. There was nothing worse than looking around at a group of people, blank eyes, uncaring and being asked to talk about the _shit_ that's going on inside your mind. _That_ was why he'd told the therapists to fuck off as soon as he was allowed. _That_ was why he'd taken his mother's name and changed things.

It would never go away. Never. Sighing, he pushed up off the bed and set his bottle on the dresser. Yanking the drawer open he pulled out a clean sweatshirt and bent to retrieve his jeans off the floor. Turning, he glanced as his hips in the mirror as he pulled his jeans up, smiled and ran his fingers over the darkening bruises. Rooting through his top drawer he found some wool socks and tugged them on. Wool socks always reminded him of when he was a kid and they used to go cross country skiing. Frowning Jared snatched up his beer and headed back down the hall.

"Hey," he smiled at Jensen and down the rest of his beer. He suddenly had an overwhelming urge to get drunk. Celebrate. Snorting softly, shaking his head he moved into the kitchen and sniffed at the sauce. "Wanna eat at the table?"

"Well usually I eat on the ground but sure, table works," Jensen threw Jared a smirk before opening random cabinets until he located two plates. "Better feed the mutts too before they decide to help themselves to our dinner." He grinned brightly and began dishing pasta out onto the plates.

"Got it," Jared walked back to the pantry and scooped out some food into three of Atka's dishes. No one had to mention a thing to the dogs before they were all crowded around the bowls. "M'hungry," he muttered as he yanked the fridge door open again. "Beer?"

"Sure," Jensen nodded and carried the plates over to the table, setting them down before pulling out his seat. He glanced up at Jared as he dropped down, eyes narrowing slightly. "You alright?"

Smiling crookedly, Jared's brow dipped. "What? Fine. Why? What'd I do?" Flipping the top off his beer Jared took a few gulps and picked up his fork to stab at his pasta. His eyes darted away from Jensen's and he forced a brighter smile. No point in wrecking a perfectly good afternoon. "Just been a lot happening. Today." Shoving a forkful of pasta into his mouth he nodded and mumbled, "s'good."

"Yeah it's probably more than you're used to having happen on any given day," Jensen mumbled, tucking into his own pasta. If he were honest with himself he'd realize that it _was_ a lot. He was feeling _things_ for Jared and that was unsettling to say the least. Jensen finished bite of pasta he was on before lifting his beer and draining half in one go. "Good pasta," he said quietly, helping himself to more.

"Not bad, I should cook us some steaks or something tomorrow. Protein." Jared nodded. "Are _you_ okay?" Smiling he nudged Jensen's ankle with a socked foot. "You're awful quiet, did I wear you out? Y'already sick of me?" Jared's smile wavered a little and he put another forkful of pasta in his mouth. Things kind of had a way of exploding in Jared's face and he was half expecting Jensen to leave at any moment. It was just something he always expected. A tick. An _emotional_ tick. Expect the worst, never be disappointed.

Jensen chuckled softly and shook his head. "Nah, I'm not gonna be leavin' any time soon." His eyes lifted to Jared as he chewed another mouthful of pasta. Once he'd swallowed the last of his beer he shrugged.

"Mike and I dated for three years. I've been single for about seven months. It's just. I forgot you know? What it's like to _feel_ something with someone. More than just a hook up or... honestly? It's a little intense. And that's good. Really fuckin' good but _really_ fuckin' scary." Jensen snorted a laugh and bent over his pasta once more, "I must sound crazy."

Jared pushed at the pasta on his plate for a few moments then shrugged. "It was good sex. That's... that's probably it right?" Tucking his feet under his chair and leaned his elbow on the table and rested his cheek on his hand. "I can-" he looked back down at his pasta, still pushing it around on his plate and making a hole in the middle. "I can tone it down a little; I'm probably a little over-the-top." Smiling, Jared was glad his hair was hanging down over his face, covering the nervousness in his eyes. "Was a long time since-" He shrugged and shoved some pasta in his mouth.

"Don't tone it down," Jensen insisted quickly and flashed Jared a quick smile. "I like you like this. All of it. You be who you are with me because I'm not gonna judge either way." He reached out to pat Jared's hand before settling in to finish off his pasta, not informing Jared that it wasn't _just_ the sex that made the entire thing so extreme. "So what would you like to do this evening? How do you usually spend your evenings?"

"Writing and more writing." He skewered pieces of pasta every so often and popped them in his mouth, staring at Jensen's face. "Do you mind if I work for a while? My publisher will have my ass if she doesn't get some more chapters by next week." His publisher was going to kill him either way when he made his decision. No more _Nyght books_ at all or just no more books. It was pretty obvious that it would be a career limiting move. The publishing world was very small and very incestuous. Fuck with one and fuck with them all. "I usually just sit out here. I have satellite internet if you want, can set you up on my net work."

"Works for me," Jensen nodded and finished off his food, rising to take the plate to the sink. He scratched absently along whichever dog had joined him, smiling down at Purdy when she nudged against his leg.

Stooping low he ruffled along the familiar golden fur before glancing up at Jared. "My dogs are my best friends. That's the good things about dogs right? Loyal to the very end," he smiled softly and opened his arms to let Blase join the party, laughing when Atka came up a moment later.

"Yeah, we could probably learn from them." Jared smiled at Jensen warmly.

-=-=-=-

It was surprisingly easy for Jared to get used to having another human and two more canines living in the house. Atka was over the moon. Early in the morning Jared woke to the sounds of claws skittering impatiently up and down the hallway. Slipping quietly out of bed he stood and stared down at Jensen for a while, wondering what he was dreaming about. Smiling he tilted his head to the side and touched the other man's cheek lightly before moving quietly out of the room.

More often than not Jared made the coffee and handed Jensen a cup, patted him and sent him on his way. Really? Talking to the man before his morning coffee was almost impossible. Amusing, but impossible.

Jared fell back into his regular routine and spent time working on his novel. He noticed that Jensen was a little quieter, chalked it up to him settling in and not feeling the need to be _on_ all the time. Jared took Jensen at his word and continued to just _be himself_. It meant lots of grabbing Jensen as he walked past, stealing kisses when they passed close enough to each other and Jared napping in the afternoon sprawled over Jensen while he was trying to write sitting on the sofa.

They fucked, a lot. There was really no other way to say it but that and Jensen was enthralled with the sensation of being _free_. Back at home, before with Mike, they'd fallen into such a steady routine that sex was an every other day thing at best, always at night in the dark. Here, it wasn't anything close to that. Jared acted when the mood struck and after a little while, Jensen allowed himself to do the same. With each passing day Jensen found himself simply _enjoying_ all the little things, whether they were sitting quietly on the couch, legs barely touching as they went about separate things, or hands linking as they hiked up the mountain, and Jensen slowly stopped asking questions.

Information came at odd and random times, little facts that Jensen found oddly endearing, stored up and written out later when Jared wasn't close enough to get a peek, when Jensen could hide away and pretend he wasn't actively betraying a person who had so clearly been hurt in the past. If he was beginning to feel something for Jared that could have been akin to _more_ , Jensen refused to address it.

Finding time to write wasn't as difficult as Jared thought it might be. He didn't mind writing less; it had always been more of an obsession than a joy so it was actually a bit of a relief to find himself diverted by other things.

He spent time with the three dogs, training Blase and Purdy to follow the same commands as Atka. Actually, Atka did most of the teaching and Jared simply did the whistling. Jared found himself looking for Jensen when he hadn't seen him in a while.

If hours passed without a glimpse of the man he would wander outside, watch him from afar writing away and smile. Words appeared in Jared's notebook; _maybe Nyght is so broken there's no way to redeem him._ , _what would happen if wishes could change the past?_ , _do I tell him?_ , would he care?. He left his notebook open on the table just like he always had, maybe he wanted Jensen to see it, maybe he didn't think about. Maybe.

Nights became something to look forward to. Climbing into bed when he wasn't thrown there, pressing up against Jensen's heat. Even the when he had a nightmare and awoke to Jensen's wide, panic laden gaze; Jared was happy he was there. And one day slid into the next.

Nearly a week after he'd first met Jared, Jensen wandered off to make a phone call to Chris and check in. It had actually been right on the tip of his tongue to tell his friend to fuck off, forget the whole thing, but Chris never gave him the opportunity to get a word out. It was all about magazine layouts and the minute Jensen gave the slightest conformation that he'd been speaking with Jared the man let out an excited noise and amped up his considerations on how big of a spread to make the entire issue.

By the time he got off the phone Jensen was tempted to climb to the top of the mountain and jump off because doing this to Jared was just too shitty. Another part of him had once more considered confessing the entire thing but Jared pinned him the moment he stepped foot on the porch and all those thoughts fluttered away, buried under the sharp thrill of Jared's lips and touch.

"Hey." Jared was spread out on the couch eating some chocolate and scratching Atka's chin. "You okay?" Jensen's face was strained, lines on his forehead and he was rubbing the back of his neck. Hardly a week and Jared knew how to recognize tension in the other man.

"Yeah," Jensen nodded and sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck. "Well, for the most part. Just got off the phone with my kind of boss and he- it's occasionally overwhelming." Rolling the tension out from his shoulders Jensen shifted down into the couch and laid across Jared's lap, settling into his warmth.

Holding up a piece of chocolate to Jensen's lips Jared smiled, brushing off his hands and slipped his arms around the man's waist and hauled him up to lie on his chest. "Tell me." Planting a kiss on the top of Jensen's hair his fingers slipped automatically under the hem of his t-shirt.

It always surprised Jensen, how comfortable it felt to be resting in Jared's arms, how amazing it felt to be in the moment like this. "When Mike and I broke up I was okay you know? Then everything started happening with dividing stuff up and all my friends started taking sides and it just got out of hand. I was supposed to write this really important thing and I fucked it up big time. Nearly lost my job. But Chris, my boss, he stuck up for me, insisted to the higher up's that I could do this. I've been doing just little blurbs recently but now I'm supposed to write something pretty big and I just- I'm not sure it's worth it."

Jensen sighed heavily, wishing he'd just stop talking before Jared asked something he couldn't get himself to lie about. "Man, I used to be so _sure_ that this was what I wanted. It's different now though." Jensen rolled the lingering taste of chocolate across his tongue and shifted his head to lay more on Jared's shoulder.

"Why’s it not worth it?" Jared brushed his lips across Jensen's forehead. "Too much work?" His brow furrowed. Freelance work he knew could be incredibly hard work. Sometimes, it meant taking the assignments that were handed to you rather than the ones you actually felt some connection to.

"Too much," Jensen nodded slowly and hooked his arm around Jared's neck, fingers brushing along the skin. "Jared," he sighed softly and turned to him, lips sliding over his neck. "I feel like I've known you a lot longer than a week." It wasn't what he was going to say but it was another truth.

"Old souls," Jared murmured. He thought about it for a while, studying Jensen's face trying to understand what he was thinking. "Why don't you tell your boss that you can't do the job?" His fingers moved in small circles on the back of Jensen's neck, soft hairs, silky. The feel always put a smile on Jared's face.

Wetting his lips slowly, Jensen let himself consider the option and sighed, "because I'll lose my job if I do. And, that'll be it you know? There's so little I have left. Just felt like I'd lose myself completely if I got fired too." Smiling softly, Jensen leaned into the touch, calmed by the gentle caresses.

Jared's voice was soft, gentle. "If I stopped writing do you think I'd lose myself? Be someone different?" He was still stuck somewhere with his decision so he knew where Jensen was coming from. Even though the notoriety didn't matter to him - he knew it would be different to no longer be the _author of Nyght's stories._

Stroking a hand back through Jared's hair, he shook his head, "not if you don't let it happen. I think that's what I'm trying to tell myself but..." He shrugged slightly and leaned a little heavier into Jared's body. "Sometimes, being a little different is better right?"

"This story gonna be a big one for you? Change your career?" Closing his eyes, Jared felt the late afternoon sun doping him up, making him sleepy. Or, maybe it was the weight of Jensen's body, the warmth of him and the gentle hushing sound of his breathing.

"Yes," Jensen nodded, his own eyes falling closed slowly. "I think it would." Letting out a soft sigh he threaded his fingers through Jared's, "Nap time yeah?"

"Sure, but Jen? Think about the story. If it's something you _really_ want, you know, to push your career forward then it's worth it. Maybe I can help?" He kissed Jensen's forehead and wriggled a little to get more comfortable. "I'll make some dinner when we wake up," he yawned, "okay?"

Jensen could only manage a nod. _Of course_ Jared would be good enough to encourage him to write the article, even if he didn't know what it meant. For the time he chose to shove the thoughts away, deciding he'd just continue doing what he was doing and hopefully everything wouldn't explode in his face too soon.


	4. Chapter 4

_Who is Jared Padalecki? It's a question we've all been eager to know the answer too since the very moment **Broken** appeared on bookshelves nationwide. What kind of man could create the world of Nyght? A killer who kills killers, a regular vigilante that experiences a place we don't want to admit to dreaming of. We have been captured and often enthralled by the dark and cynical wit, the gritty and brutal landscape, and the mystery of the man who created it all._

 _When I was first charged with the task to interview Jared Padalecki I thought it impossible. And truthfully, it is. There will never be an interview for Jared Mr. Padalecki_

Jensen groaned and scribbled his pen along the edge of the notebook in frustration. He had a little over two weeks to get this article finished and he could hardly even begin now. Not to say he didn't have information, no, Jensen had pages upon pages of information. Hell, he could probably write a fucking book about all the little quirks and habits he'd learned about Jared in the last week and half. Those weren't the things people wanted to read though. People wanted to know what made him _tick_. They wanted all the dark and dirty little thoughts that made it possible for Jared to write with such heat and passion, about what could be considered such a violent and dark theme.

It wasn't like Jensen didn't want to know those things. He wanted to know _everything_ about Jared, all the ins and outs, every single little thing that made him who he was. And some part of Jensen was compelled with the urge to never share that with the world because he wanted Jared as _his_ and no one else's. That thought alone was enough to cause Jensen to slam his notebook shut and push up from the chair. He knew he was putting it off, knew he was avoiding the thing as much as possible, and he reasoned with himself that he just didn't know enough yet.

Jared was asleep on the bed, sprawled out in a mass of limbs, sheet pooled around his crotch, legs extending from under the sheet. Jensen's lips twitched in a smile, arms folded across his chest as he gazed down at the man. When his staring started to feel slightly too affectionate Jensen pushed away from the door frame and crossed slowly into the room, kneeling onto the side of the mattress and gently pushing the blanket back. There was nothing about Jared that wasn't gorgeous. His skin was smooth and richly tanned, spoke of long hours out in the mountain sun, muscles shaped and curved. Jensen's fingers slid softly along his thighs, curving into the muscles and tugging slightly.

On the mattress Jared shifted and spread his legs wider, murmuring in his sleep. Jensen's smile brightened and he repositioned himself, crawling between Jared's legs and sitting back on his calves once more. Something fluttered in his chest and Jensen swallowed it down, reaching out to brush the tips of his fingers along the sleep soft skin.

Dipping down Jensen trailed a line of kisses along Jared's hipbones, transferring the twist and swirl of emotions through his lips, speaking without words to the sleep man. His fingers continued the slow brush and drag over Jared's cock, small grin tugging on his lips as heat flared up along the skin, slowly filling and hardening. Turning his head to the side Jensen ran his lips along the silky flesh, tongue flicking out in gentle slides.

Beneath him Jared moaned softly, a breathy, whispering noise and Jensen mapped out his hips with open mouthed presses. The curve of Jared's hipbones was one of Jensen's favorite spots and he took his time enjoying every inch of skin. If it were possible, Jensen would say Jared tasted like sunshine. His skin was rich and creamy, an edge of salt and sweet and Jensen thought he might be slightly addicted. But nothing compared to Jared's hard flesh filling his mouth, enveloping his senses, and Jensen kissed his way back until he could bring just the tip between his lips. Jensen's teeth grazed just over the surface, hand curling along the base to stroke him to full hardness.

Something tugged at Jared, pulling him out of his dream. Pleasure, a sweet sensation, heat. Smiling, he twisted sideways, hand sliding down his body to the silken locks he knew would be there. He moaned softly and tightened his grip on the soft hair. "You'd better be Jensen or I'm setting the dogs on you." His hips moved gently under kisses and licks as he rode the wave of pleasure to _awake_.

Chuckling against the warm skin, Jensen sucked Jared deep into his mouth, swallowing him nearly whole. Pulling back once more he glanced up at Jared, smile growing at still closed eyes and flushed cheeks. "Do you often have random strangers waking you up with blow jobs?" He kissed lower to suck Jared's balls into his mouth, working the flat of his tongue over the smooth skin, fingers massaging gently along Jared's thighs.

"N-No. S..." Jared's shoulders arched back and he swore softly. "Whoever you are..." He moaned loudly and spread his legs wider, "you can stay." Licking his lips he slid both hands down to smooth over Jensen's hair. Thigh muscles twitching he finally forced his eyes open and blinked sleepily tugging at the other man's hair. "C'mere." Voice thick with sleep he smiled crookedly.

Jensen released Jared's flesh with a gentle pop of lips and slowly crawled up his body, zig zagging kisses up his chest, gently nipping at the curves along his flesh. "Have a good nap?" He murmured, lips hovering along Jared's before dipping down to gently brush together. The man was sleep ruffled warm and pleasant, hair splayed out in wild directions.

"Was dreaming." Jared sucked small kisses along Jensen's bottom lip. "Afternoon naps have good dreams." Cinching his arms around the other man's shoulders he slid his leg over Jensen's, pressing their hips together and grinding slowly. "Wh-what are you- were you doing, this afternoon?" There was nothing more distracting than Jensen's weight, solid, alive, settled on him.

"Thinkin' about you obviously." With a soft chuckle Jensen let his lips caress and slide over Jared's jaw, along his neck, back up to his lips. Their hips moved together easily and Jensen shoved his hand down, pushing at the cotton of his sweats until he could wiggle free. A small hiss fell between them as their cocks aligned and rocked together. "You, always drive me crazy, like I can never get enough..." Jensen teased his tongue forward, hand pressing into Jared's side and rubbing softly.

 _Never enough_. Sighing, pressing the air out of his lungs Jared let his hands roam down Jensen's body to cup his ass. Growling softly he rocked up into his body, digging his foot into the mattress and pushing up, wanting that pressure. "What am I gonna do?" His words were swallowed up by a rather long kiss that ended in a gasp. Sometimes those lips took away his thoughts, just wiped them clean.

Jensen's fingers curled into Jared's arms and he rolled them, hands dropping to Jared's thighs and spreading them wide so the man straddled his lap. "Want you," he murmured, palms dragging up along his flesh once more.

Jensen's heart was stuttering out beats in his chest, eyes slowly parting to stare up at Jared. A flash of sunlight was breaking in through the window, highlighting a patch of Jared's hair, and Jensen reached up to caress the silky locks, eyes softening with a fondness he wasn't completely aware of.

A cool burst of sensation skittered up Jared's spine as he settled across Jensen's thighs. Bringing his hands together he stroked them up the man's hard shaft, licking his lips in anticipation as a flush of pleasure darkened his cheeks. His hands slipped off Jensen's cock and smoothed over the rippling skin of his abs, fingers dancing over his skin. He wanted to remember this, the way the man looked. Jensen was gorgeous. Wide green rimmed black eyes blinked up at him, lashes kissing his cheeks every so often. Falling forward Jared captured Jensen's mouth under his once more, tongue sliding forward across his full bottom lip as he reached out to fumble under the pillow for the ever-present bottle of lube.

Jensen was fairly certain he'd never get tired of Jared, the way he kissed and touched with such passion and fire, every little thing about him that shot through Jensen in constant waves.

"Jared," he moaned into the kiss, hands dragging up his back and threading through his hair. His hand fumbled out for the bottle and pulled it from Jared's touch, flipping at the cap and squeezing the cool liquid into his palm. Jared moved back to accommodate him and Jensen groaned into the kiss as his palm wrapped around his hard flesh and smeared the liquid down. "Want you to ride me. Fuck yourself on my cock." He moaned, hips curving up.

"Yeah?" Jared's body was buzzing, still sleep-pliant and warm. He might be teasing but his body was already shifting, hips swinging slightly forward and back. "Hasn't been that long since-" but the words didn't really matter as his head fell back and he moaned. Just thinking about it was enough to make his heart beat faster.

Dropping his hand to the side for a moment Jensen inhaled deeply and nodded. "C'mon Jared." He groaned and lifted his hips up, pushing at Jared's chest with his, the air move in and out of his lungs a little faster. A small groan fell from his lips and he lurched up, tip of his cock sliding against Jared's skin. "Fuck. C'mon." He grumbled, voice thick and deep with lust.

Jared moaned quietly, the sound almost becoming a growl before it faded away. Kneeling up and reluctantly drawing away from Jensen's heat he smiled down at his lover, eyes telling Jensen everything he couldn't say out-loud. Reaching around behind him, Jared shivered - anticipation heavy in the air.

Curling his fingers around Jensen's hard flesh he canted his hips slightly and settled down with a small sigh - biting down on his quivering bottom lip when the head of Jensen's cock nudged _just_ inside him. Thigh muscles shuddering, he struggled to hold himself up - when all he really wanted to do was sink down and slam Jensen's hard shaft into him.

Heat burned through him and Jensen's hips snapped up, pushing further inside. Moaning softly his head tilted back into the pillow, hands dragging along the blanket before landing on Jared's chest.

"Fuck," he gasped as Jared slid further down and his body hummed. "Still so tight." Jensen's hands fluttered up to smoothing along Jared's still sleep ruffled hair, down his neck and over his shoulders. He could feel the man shaking above him, muscles exerted from keeping him held up. " _More_ ," he insisted, nudging Jared further down onto him, hips rocking up to meet the motion.

Letting out a sound that sounded entirely too much like a whimper, Jared sank down hard and hissed out, "fuck." _So full_. He arched back slowly, hands resting on Jensen's thighs for support. Each time, each first moment felt like a year of sensation crammed into a heartbeat. Jared finally let his hips roll up, body curving up bow-like off Jensen's body then he sank back down - trembling, cock aching and hard.

For a moment he just let Jared sit there, basked in the filling of being surrounded and connected to him. Then his hips snapped up once more of their own accord and he moaned Jared's name softly, settling his hands over sharp hipbones and pulling slightly. "So good," he murmured and bit down on his bottom lip, body rocking up to meet each gentle slide. His fingers tightened around Jared and pulled him up, loosening to let him drop down with a tight clench.

Shoving off Jensen's thighs Jared let himself fall forward, hands clenching hard into Jensen's sides. "God. Love this." His voice was barely audible, almost trapped in his chest. Rocking his hips up, ass clenching tight - he could feel Jensen's cock shift in him and slide just where he wanted it. The burst of pleasure that exploded through Jared's body was will-shattering. His body launched into action, writhing for a few moments as wave after wave of buzzing-pleasure slammed into him. Slowly he managed to push back up slightly and start sliding his body up and down Jensen's cock.

Jensen seemed on a constant repeat of moans, hips thrusting up to meet Jared's each time he slid down. Somehow his hand found its way to Jared's cock, stroking in time with the erratic thrusts and Jensen lost himself in sensation. _Everything_ about this man drove him crazy with need and want, thrummed along his veins like fire. Jensen kept his eyes forced open just to watch the pure pleasure dance across Jared's features. "Fuck." He murmured and drove roughly off the bed up into Jared the moment he pushed up, groaning as muscles held tightly around him and made his mind spin.

Every muscle in Jared's body was shuddering, twitching, rippling and _God_ he could do that forever if it were possible. He rode Jensen hard and could feel the sweat slowly trickle down the middle of his chest. Panting, he gasped out Jensen's name over and over until it faded to barely a whisper. It was impossible to choose between thrusting his cock forward into Jensen's firm grasp or sliding back to sink down and feel full- _fuck_ -aching. Jensen's fingers drew his orgasm to life with easy, firm touch, gentle slide, "Je _sus_."

Too soon, it was always _too soon_ , Jensen could feel his orgasm bubbling up in him, threatening to spill over. He tightened his hand around Jared's cock and stroked swiftly, thumb pressing down into the slit, rubbing in gentle circles. "Gonna," he groaned and snapped his body up into Jared's, free hand wrapping behind Jared's neck and tugging him down for a rough kiss. Their tongues met and collided, swirling in gentle circles before withdrawing and slamming back. Jensen moaned low in his throat and let go, orgasm shooting through him in intense waves that shook his tightened muscles.

Jared felt every pulse, every hot-throb within his ass; a shudder skittered up his spine and he threw his arms back as his orgasm crested and broke. It was fast and full and _fucking_ hot - and Jared forgot for a few heartbeats how to breath. Forcing his eyes open then blinking hard he watched his come shoot thick-white up over Jensen's hand and across his chest. The heat turned to cold and flashed quickly back to heat and Jared's muscles went weak and he collapsed forward, sliding off Jensen's cock and falling slightly to the side as his body twitched and shuddered.

Rolling on his side Jensen gathered Jared close, wrapping an arm tight around him and holding him against his body as his pulse slowed to a normal rate. "Always so..." he murmured softly and shook his head. This thing between them was intense and Jensen felt like he could get lost in it, fade away from the real world and just _be_ here. "God this," he tried again before once more trailing off, hand sliding up through Jared's slightly sweat damp hair.

Nodding slightly Jared grunted and swung his leg back over Jensen's. "Could do that forever," he muttered, "'cept I'd die. My heart would just give out." His lashes fell to his cheeks and he licked at Jensen's slightly salty skin. Humming quietly he thought about all the touches, the pleasure, the lust and wondered, how to go back to _not_ having it. Chest constricting a little around his heart and lungs he reached up to grab Jensen's hair and pull his lips down to meld with his own.

Though he couldn't say for sure, Jensen had a pretty good idea he knew _exactly_ what Jared was feeling. He kissed him back hard at first, crushing their lips together with an almost brutal force before softening the touches. Jensen gently brushed their lips together, breaking back with a slow drag of Jared's lower lip. "I lo-" Jensen caught himself on the words and closed his eyes, heart clenching tightly at the very thought.

Jared rolled away, recoiling from the word he almost heard and the fact that he _knew_ what it meant to feel it. Dropping his legs over the edge of the bed it took him a couple of tries to get up and he stumbled a little and moved toward the bathroom. "Gonna shower," he murmured. Closing the bathroom door behind him he let his forehead thump softly against the wooden door. "Fuck," he whispered.

Groaning at himself, Jensen pulled a pillow over his head and buried his face into it. _God_ he shouldn't let himself say things sometimes. Before he could let himself get too overworked by his own stupidity he rolled out of bed and grabbed some tissue to clean off Jared's cooling come on his chest. Slipping into jeans and a shirt, grabbing his notebook from the drawer, Jensen padded silently out to the front porch, dropping down onto the step by the dogs. He sincerely hoped he hadn't just fucked everything up with Jared because he couldn't control his haywire emotions.

Jared showered quickly, padded back out into the bedroom and got dressed. Everything should just _work out_ without things going wrong, or... or Jared having to tell Jensen things he didn't want to. Shaking his head he tugged a wool sweater down from the top shelf in the closet and pulled it on.

Things suddenly felt a little out of his control. Hell, it _was_ out of his control. He knew what Jensen was going to say and he'd never been more torn in his life between wanting to hear something and knowing that he couldn't bear it. Because, what it came down to - was Jensen had to leave because Jared wasn't worth staying anywhere for.

Striding down the hallway he pulled his boots on and pushed through the door. The late afternoon air was cooler and he shivered slightly, still damp hair cold against the back his neck. "Taking the dogs for a walk."

He jogged down the front steps, "Atka... come." Atka barked and circled around Purdy and Blase and they all ran and bounced their way ahead of Jared on the path.

"Ja-" Jensen began but the man was moving swiftly down the path and Jensen hardly had time to stand before he disappeared around the corner. Something clenched tightly in his chest and Jensen blinked slowly, turning around to stare at the empty lot. He didn't even have the comfort of his dogs in the moment and Jensen scrubbed at the back of his neck, dropping down into the porch chair.

"Smooth Ackles," he grumbled to himself and flipped his notebook open, browsing through the pages. He picked up the book, tried to write a few more lines of the article before turning his gaze out to the front lawn. He didn't even realize he'd dozed off until his eyes were closed and he was slipping through dreams featuring bright dimples and shaggy brown hair.

Jared didn't stay away with the dogs long; it didn't seem fair after the way he'd left. He felt like he owed Jensen some sort of explanation. After letting the dogs blow off some steam along the lake shore, throwing sticks out into the water for them Jared turned them all back toward the cabin. _Overreacted._ That's what he'd done - and he would make it better. Whistling for the dogs, he sped up, wanting to get back to Jensen - clear the air - _explain_. When they rounded the last curve of the shoreline his eyes found Jensen on the porch and as he got closer he realized the man was sleeping. Smiling, Jared gave the dogs a few scratches and pats and dispatched them to play some more.

He loved watching Jensen sleep. It was one of the only times the man looked truly peaceful. Sleep pulled the lines from his face, softened his features and gave his face more color. Moving quietly up the stairs he shook his head when he saw Jensen's notebook on the ground. Obviously his writing hadn't held his attention very long. Grinning he bent and picked up the book, brushing the dust and dirt of the pages. His brows furrowed. He wasn't reading it intentionally but words leapt off the page at him. _Jared... writer... Nyght._ Tilting his head Jared's eyes narrowed and his fingers ran slowly down the page as though he couldn't believe the words were real. Jensen was writing a story about _him_. His finger lifted page after page, smoothing it down flat as he moved through the notebook. All about him with the occasional personal note or letter. Jensen had come there with a purpose.

Closing the notebook, Jared smoothed the cover with his hand and leaned over to tuck it down in the chair beside Jensen's leg. Eyes closing slowly he brushed the backs of his fingers across Jensen's cheek. "Jen." He could feel tears clawing at the backs of his eyes and opened his eyes to stare down at Jensen. "Hey, you'll get cold out here."

Blinking his eyes open slowly, Jared's face swam into view and Jensen smiled and stretched, arms extending up into the air. "Hey. Sorry I-" he murmured around a yawn and pushed up, blinking the last of sleep away. As his eyes settled on Jared's face he frowned slightly, remembering his earlier slip up. "Jared. I'm sorry, I shouldn't, I mean I know you're not, well uh, god I don't know," he huffed a humorless chuckle and his eyes dropped, landing a moment later on his notebook. His _closed_ notebook. Jensen's eyes instantly shot up to Jared, widening slightly, "you- did you- that wasn't closed."

"Hmm? Didn't what? You dropped it - I just picked it up." Jared's lips smiled even if he was certain his eyes didn't. "Gonna make some dinner, you must be hungry. The dogs are still down by the lake, you wanna go get them?" He turned and glanced at the dogs still sniffing their way along the shore. "If someone doesn't get them they'll stay there all night." He lifted his hand once more and slid his hand over Jensen's cheek, lingering. It ached. _God_ it hurt. Everywhere, his throat, his _heart_. Sighing he turned away and pulled the door open quickly, heading inside to find something to cook.

Jensen wanted to believe that Jared hadn't seen it; he told himself that hadn't, there was just _no way_ but that look in his eyes. He walked almost numb down the steps and to the lake front, barely calling for the dogs before they joined him. His mind reeled with thoughts, different ideas, what to do now, as he headed but up to the cabin. If Jared had seen, Jensen would expect him to be angry, hell he had every right to be. This Jared looked only sad, crestfallen, and Jensen stopped to pick up the notebook before walking inside. Jared was just standing in the kitchen, fingers curled around the cupboard door, and Jensen cleared his throat quietly. "You look like someone burned all the chocolate in the world," he whispered, fingers tightening around the notebook.

Something cool and thick slid down Jared's back and he closed his eyes, fingers tightening on the cupboard door. "The..." he cleared his throat, "there's chocolate." Sighing, he closed his eyes biting down hard on his bottom lip to keep it from trembling and leaned his cheek against the edge of the open door. He didn't know how to feel; had no idea what to do. It just hurt. "Do you remember the night I was telling you about," his voice was barely above a whisper, "the storm, my dad?" _God_ the words stung his throat.

It washed over Jensen, heart sinking as he stumbled back to the table and dropped into the chair hard. "You. You read it." He swallowed thickly and shook his head. "No Jared. You don't have to do this. You don't owe me that. You don't owe me anything. I'm so sorry. I." Jensen buried his head into his hand, fingers tugging along his hair. _Fuck_ it wasn't supposed to happen like this. It wasn't supposed to happen at all. None of this. Jensen was _never_ supposed to find himself _caring_ so much for Jared.

"Jake-" Jared’s breath caught somewhere in his chest and he couldn't swallow. "It was Jake who... he heard me screaming for hours. Waited until he thought Dad was asleep." Letting the cupboard door close Jared shuffled closer to the sink feeling like he would be sick; his fingers curled over the edge of the cold metal. "He was smart, older than me. Dad never- I think Dad knew that I was an easier target." Jared lifted a hand to his face and rubbed at his eyes for a few moments.

Turning slowly he leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms, fingers gripping the wool sweater. "He came out back and let me out, I remember that." Jared smiled weakly, "scared as I was I knew everything would be fine once. I." He gritted his teeth as his tears began to fall, "once I saw Jake." His fingers twisted in the wool sleeve, tugging restlessly. "We were outside for a while, Jake. Jake had to calm me down. I couldn't- I couldn't stop shaking and- and I was so scared." Jared's arms slid down from his chest to his stomach. Guts aching. He panted softly - shivering as he body fought against the memories.

Pushing up from his chair Jensen crossed the room swiftly, reaching out to Jared then stopping, arm extended. "God Jared. I-" He didn't want to hear this, not in this way. Jared was literally falling apart in front of him and Jensen wanted to pull him close, soothe him, but the hurt and pain on the man's face made him second guess closing the rest of the distance between them.

Puffing out a breath Jared recoiled. "Stay away," he whispered curling forward under the weight of his tears for a few moments. Growling out his frustration he wiped at his face roughly and looked up at Jensen. "Jake took me back to our room, cleaned me up and tucked me back into bed - like any other night." Letting his head fall back he panted, feeling like he couldn't get enough oxygen. It was dizzying the way it rushed up inside him, hurt and fear. Lowering his gaze slowly he sucked in a few shallow breaths.

"Dad wasn't asleep. He was just waiting. Waiting. He knew, he had to have known and the door flew open and he was in there and he had Jake. Jake was yelling and I tried to get up - but I was so scared. I was never as- never as brave as Jake." Stumbling back a step Jared thudded against the counter and lowered himself slowly to the floor. "He dragged him out into the hall by his neck. Dad's arm looked so big and Jake-" Jared gasped in a breath and wiped his sleeve across his face.

"Somehow I got up and I was on my way. I think... 'cause you can't remember stuff like that, you know?" He looked up at Jensen with questioning eyes as though the man could offer up some kind of answer.

Jensen wasn't even aware of the silent tears streaming down his cheeks until they dropped on his hands. He slid back slightly and knelt, watching Jared with wide eyes. The raw pain and emotion on his face was shaking him to his very core and he managed a slight nod, too horrified to get any words. How was he supposed to react to this? Especially knowing the only reason Jared was telling him was _his_ fault.

A sob sent Jared's arm flying up to his mouth and it was a few moments before he could speak. "I watched him. Jensen, I watched him throw Jake." His body curled forward, the despair in his stomach feeling like someone was trying to tear him apart from the inside out. He sucked in a few shallow breaths. "I watched him throw Jake down the stairs and... kill him. He killed my b-brother because." Sobbing he pulled his knees up to his chest, "because I was- I was scared of the storm." His breathing slowed a little, shock taking the edge of the pain.

"And then I lied. Because he looked at me and I knew that if I didn't the same thing would happen to me." His voice was barely above a whisper when he finally locked eyes with Jensen. "I lied to everyone, the police, I said he fell. Jake came outside to get me and I said he fell. And you live with that your whole life - like this monster that's waiting inside you to just burst out and let everyone know what a pathetic excuse for a person you are. I lied." His face felt tight where his tears were starting to dry and his throat ached, dry and swollen.

Staring at the tears on Jensen's face Jared felt strangely disconnected, lost somewhere in his story. "As soon as I was old enough I ran. I just ran. Never told anyone. Never said a word. Wrote it all away. And you." He squeezed his eyes shut for a few moments, fresh tears trailing down his cheeks. "You came here and I thought m-maybe it was a chance. A chance to tell someone I trusted." Pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes he hiccoughed in a few breaths, coughed, and wiped at his face again.

"Guess I got what I always deserved didn't I?" Dropping his hands he stared across at Jensen, "someone who be-betrayed me just like I did Jake. There's your story," he spat, shoulders jerking as he sobbed uncontrollably. "I'll sign whatever you want. You can write what you want." He slid sideways down the cupboards and pressed his face against the floor.

"God Jared." Jensen sucked in a shaky breath, sliding forward then stopping. "No. No Jared this wasn't. I never planned. I never. _Fuck_ Jared I didn't know." His fingers twitched out for the man, grazing along his shoulder. "I won't. I won't write that. I won't write any of it and I. God Jared I-" Jensen felt the guilt thick and tangible layering over him, pressing in, and his heart ached _so_ badly for his lover he wanted nothing more than to pull him close. Sliding closer he pressed his hand more sure into Jared's arm, "you don't deserve that. You don't deserve to be betrayed. It wasn't- none of that is your fault." The words felt hollow even to his own ears but he didn't know what else to say.

Lying there Jared blinked up at Jensen. "You knew who I was when you came here," he said softly. "You planned this all along. So there you go." Closing his eyes for a moment he realized he was completely exhausted. His cheeks were stinging, throat burning and when he opened his eyes again they felt swollen and bruised. "You should go tomorrow, you can stay here tonight but I don't wanna be your research anymore. My father's last name is Wilson. Frank Wilson. Jake." He clenched his jaw for a few moments. "Please don't mention my mama, she had nothing to do with it. I never told her the truth."

A cold smile slid on to Jared's face. "She still lives with him I think. I haven't seen them since the day I left." His words were slurring, running together in his mind and as they left his lips. Slowly, his tears ran once more even though he was sure there were no more left in his body and he snatched Jensen's hand up and crawled closer to press his wet face into the man's neck. As alone as he was, believing that Jensen had to have felt _something_ was the only thing he could cling to. "Leave tomorrow, please. Not now." Sobbing he pulled himself almost onto Jensen's lap, clinging to him like he was the only reason to breathe.

Jensen's eyes fluttered closed and he pulled Jared the rest of the way up into his lap, holding him as close as he could. Something cold and heavy was settling in the pit of his stomach but the decision had been made. He would leave tomorrow like he'd been asked, for now he would hold Jared and rock him softly, trying to comfort him as much as he could.

The knowledge that he'd only added to all the heartache and pain in Jared's life made him sick, bile churning up his throat, and Jensen was suddenly hit with the urge to track down this _Frank Wilson_ and channel _Nyght_ for some inspiration.

Jensen held Jared until his sobs seemed to die off slightly too only hiccupped coughs. His legs were numb but he negotiated them around and struggled for just a moment before pulling Jared off the floor. Carrying him on shaky legs to the bedroom he slid across the mattress with him, allowing them both to stretch out and holding the man tightly against his chest.

When the body against his seemed to relax, a tell tale sign that Jared had dozed off, Jensen pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head. "I love you Jared," he whispered, knowing it was his one and only chance to say it, even if Jared was asleep, at least he could admit to it.

-=-=-=-

It took several minutes when Jensen woke in the morning, Jared in his arms, to remember what had happened the night before. Everything trickled back to him in horrible bits and pieces, replayed with such clarity he had to suck in a deep breath to calm the surge of emotions. For awhile he simply held tight to Jared, almost incapable of believing that they hadn't even known each other a full two weeks.

Being here in this place, living every moment with him, made Jensen feel more whole and complete than he had in his entire life. And now he was leaving because he was a fucked up asshole who'd just completely crushed the one person in his life that could have really _been_ something.

The thought alone was enough to have him sliding free, climbing off the edge of the bed and walking silently to the dresser. His duffel bag was in the closet, but a good majority of his things had taken residence along the bedroom floor and sorting through it felt almost painful. Silent tears pooled along the rims of his eyes, spilling over in little trails as he bent to pick up a shirt and grabbed Jared's instead, standing slowly. He brought the fabric to his lips, his nose, inhaling the familiar scent and wondering if he'd spend forever trying to recreate that in his mind.

-=-=-=-

Jared blinked a few times, he'd been awake for a while - just didn't want to actually believe that the night before had happened. Everything had been so good and even though he'd always known, always _believed_ that Jensen would leave - he hadn't thought it would be so soon and he certainly hadn't thought that none of it was real. "I don't know," he whispered, throat dry and sore, "if you care but I believed all of this- you and me. The way it felt, so, there's that I guess."

He felt hollow, like somehow there was nothing left inside him that could feel. "I'll miss-" he couldn't say he'd miss Jensen, wouldn't give him that satisfaction. "Take some of the biscuits for the dogs, they really like those." Reaching out he pulled Jensen's pillow over to him and wrapped his arms around it.

Sucking in a sharp breath Jensen let the t-shirt fall from his grasp, felt it fluttering down to his feet. "It was real. I. I never lied about, how I felt for you. I never planned on _feeling_ for you. I never planned to sleep with you or grow attached to his place or..." Jensen shook his head roughly and pulled out a fresh pair of clothes to change into. "I'll miss you. More than you probably believe. I'm so sorry..." he knew the words were trite now. Nothing could repair the damage he'd done. Now he'd have to go back to the city, do his job, figure out how to live his life. "Jared. I know you don't owe me anything but please believe me when I say I never meant to hurt you, not ever," he whispered, words tight in his constricting throat.

Jared smiled, tightening his arms around the pillow. "I never meant to kill my brother either." He blinked slowly, surprised at how steady his voice was. "Drive safe, don't forget that big pothole by the last turn off." His voice was thick, raw from the night before. "Jensen?"

Steeling himself for whatever Jared had to say, knowing he deserved it, Jensen glanced toward him. "Y-yes?" He didn't mean to choke on the word but something was building up in him and Jensen felt he was just moments from completely loosing it.

"I don't hate you. I think I actually loved you." Jared smiled weakly and turned his face into the pillow, the scent of Jensen would only linger there for _so_ long.

"I do love you," Jensen whispered and pushed away from the dresser. He was probably leaving things behind but he couldn't stand this anymore. All he wanted to do was climb back into bed with Jared but he knew it was too late, he'd broken that trust, completely killed any chances they had at _being_.

"Can I..." he hesitated near the edge of the bed, staring down at Jared, hand lifting to wipe at the tears on his cheeks. "I. I'll go. Now." _God_ more than anything he just wanted one more chance to pull Jared into him and make everything right. "B-bye Jared." He breathed before spinning on his heels and heading out of the room.

Some part of Jensen clung to the hope that Jared would come after him, stop him, insist they could make it work. He held the thought the entire time he gathered up the rest of his things, took some dog biscuits from the cabinet, walked slowly outside. His eyes darted to the door repeatedly as he loaded up the truck, gently brushing the heads of whichever dog hovered nearest him. Even as he managed to get Blase and Purdy in the back, nearly choking on a sob when Atka tried to join, he waited and hoped. "Take care of him girl," he whispered to the husky, letting their heads brush together, pulling back to see her fur matted with his tears.

As he slid behind the steering wheel his eyes lingered on the cabin, _praying_ for Jared to just come one last time, let him see the man _once_ more. From behind him Purdy whined and dragged her paw along the back window and Jensen started up his vehicle. Jared wasn't going to come out, Jensen knew it, just like he knew he had a job to do and the real world to return to.

It took more energy than he thought he had left to slip the Rover into drive and start off down the driveway. Atka followed them until they turned the corner then stopped and Jensen's heart clenched so painfully he gasped. Jensen's fingers curled along the wheel tightly as he blinked away the pain. They hit the pot hole going out but Jensen could care less if his car was damaged. It seemed oddly fitting anyway.

-=-=-=-

Everything passed in a weird blur that Jensen somehow managed to continue traveling through. His parents were excited to have him back, safe and sound, eager to hear about the elusive author. Jensen couldn't tell them anything without breaking into spontaneous tears so he simply shook his head and insisted Jared was amazing and ignored all the curious questions.

Purdy and Blase were less than content to be back in the city, reduced to wearing leashes and confined inside. On more than one occasion Jensen watched them walk around the basement were he stayed, sniffing and whining and it broke Jensen's heart even more, knowing they were searching for Atka.

Jensen kept having these nightmares. Dreams of Jared alone in his cabin, something would happen and no one would know, the roof caving in, he slipped off a cliff, a series of brutal and horrible images that left him waking with a sharp call of Jared's name, a damp and cold sweat on his skin.

Life kept trudging on because it always did. Mike and Tom moved out of the apartment and Jensen was left with the repercussions. There went his good rental history and the chance at getting a decent place. Chris called and hounded him for information until Jensen told him to 'fuck off and leave him alone to write.' Jensen stared at his laptop and did exactly that. Write. He lost himself for hours, fingers moving over the keys constantly, only stopping when the ache became too much.

Somehow, he kept on _living_ when all he wanted was everything to stop and go back. The traffic was too noisy at night and Jensen missed the stars. The air smelt thick and heavy with pollution and his fingers twitched at the overwhelming feeling of confinement.

Then it was his deadline.

Jensen was dreading this day, he tried to push it off, tried to pretend that the last month hadn't been the biggest roller coaster ride of his entire life. It was something straight out of movies but Jensen was no leading man and you just _had_ to make choices. He was fully aware of the repercussions of his choices. It explained his near zombie state.

The magazine office as busy and crazy as usual and Jensen felt like the asshole he was the minute he stepped inside. People were staring at him, watching him weave through the desks and cubicles, heading for Chris' open office door. His friend greeted him with a bright and eager smile and Jensen's heart sank.

"Do you have it?" Chris asked, nearly bouncing forward.

A small sigh fell from Jensen's lips and he held his hand out, "here you go."


	5. Chapter 5

Jared had faced some difficult things in his life. There'd been a lot of pain, a lot of guilt, loss, fear - all the worst things that someone could have to deal with. It struck him as remarkably ironic that the pain of Jensen leaving and the emptiness that followed was almost unbearable.

If it hadn't been for Atka whining softly, nudging at him with her nose, licking his hand he wouldn't have climbed out of bed at all that first day. For hours after the Rover's engine noise faded away to nothing Jared thought he could hear it in the distance, thought that maybe Jensen was coming back, and had some way to explain everything away. But there was no engine, no Jensen, only Atka snuffling at his face.

Eventually, he got up and let Atka out leaving the door ajar for her. She disappeared outside for a few moments then returned to follow him around as though she thought; somehow, something might happen to Jared if she left him alone.

And that was how their days started to pass. Each day it was a little easier to wake up. Each day Atka was there at Jared's side, gentle and warm and loving him. He got up, he moved around the cabin. It was a week before he walked down to the lake and two more before he could face the hike up to the ridge. The time passed slowly, somehow more tangible as though Jared's body could feel each second ticking away. And there was no sound of the Rover's engine.

When Jared was tossing biscuits into the air one morning for Atka, laughing softly as she spun and twisted he suddenly realized that Jensen had been gone over a month. A month. He'd been gone now twice as long as he'd even been with Jared and even though the hurt wasn't gone, it had faded. Getting a cup of coffee Jared shouldered the front door open and stepped out into the bright morning light. Sitting down on the top step he curled his arm around Atka's neck, absent mindedly running his fingers through her fur. He felt her stiffen and followed her gaze to the path to Thomas' cabin. "They're not coming back..." he whispered to her, turning to press his face into her fur.

-=-=-=-

For a while Jensen watched through the trees, leashes held tight in his hand, large envelope tucked under his arms. The moment he saw Jared relief washed through him, followed by a tidal wave of sadness and longing. He'd thought things would lessen, wouldn't feel as extreme if he waited some time to come but he was wrong. If anything, Jensen felt _more_ for Jared than he had before and it made him wonder if absence really did make the heart grow fonder.

Purdy and Blase knew exactly where they were and they whined, not barking since Jensen kept hissing down at them to stay quiet. Finally Purdy's head pushed hard into his leg and he sighed softly, "yeah I know girl, I'm just as eager. Alright fine." Bending slightly he unhooked both their leashes and they tore off through the trees colliding like a tornado into Atka in the middle of the lawn.

The sight of the two dogs bounding out of the bushes startled Jared almost as much as Atka suddenly launching herself from his arms and bounding down the stairs. He stumbled forward, spilling coffee down his jeans and tossing the mug down onto the grass as he brushed at the scalding liquid. Blinking, he stared over at the two dogs and in a few moments they were tearing toward him and knocking him down.

Amidst all the barking and licking and fur Jared couldn't help straining to sit back up - eyes moving toward the pathway at the end of the tree line. _Jensen_. He could feel by the way his heart stuttered that it didn't know whether to beat faster or stop. Even the dogs settled slightly, unsure, Atka whined and stared at Jared's face.

Sucking in a breath and holding it Jensen had to force himself to push out of the trees, small smile twitching on his lips despite the nerves in him as he caught full sight of Jared surrounding by all three dogs. He released the breath slowly as he approached, twisting the thick manila envelope in his fingers, sliding along the glossy pages that rest above it. Jensen stopped a few feet from Jared and his smile faltered slightly, shaky and nervous. "Hi." The word took actual force to say and he swallowed thickly, waiting to see how Jared would react to his sudden appearance.

"Hey." Jensen looked good, thinner maybe. For a month there had been things that Jared wished that he had said, or at least said differently and with Jensen standing in front of him there wasn't a damn thing he could think of. "You... the dogs look good. Missed them." He smiled and pushed up off the ground jamming his hands into his pockets.

"They missed you, and Atka," Jensen said quietly, glancing at the three dogs as they nudged into each other as if getting reacquainted. "I missed you," he whispered, looking back up at Jared. When it looked like he was going to open his mouth to respond Jensen stepped forward and held up a hand, "Jared? I. I have something I need to say. And I'm just gonna lay it all out there and then, if you want me to go I will. I- here," Jensen took another quick step forward and shoved the magazine at Jared. "Just. Just take it okay?"

Jared frowned when he realized what he was holding in his hand. "Jensen." He shook his head slowly. The last thing he wanted to see was a copy of the story. There was nothing he needed to read. Dropping his gaze he clutched the magazine so tightly that the cover wrinkled.

Jensen slid back once Jared had the magazine and tightened his fingers around the manila envelope still pressing into his palms. "It's not about you," he blurted out, blinking when Jared looked up at him. "I didn't write it. I didn't write a word about you and I quit my job. I. Mike and Tom moved out of the apartment and my rental credit is totally fucked. And I quit my job. And I. I wrote a book," Jensen huffed slightly, annoyed that his little speech wasn't going at all like he planned in his head. "I wrote a book and it's stupid and it's lame but it's about this guy who falls madly in love with someone even though they hardly knew each other. And he fucks everything up cause he's a stupid asshole who was too self indulgent to see how _amazing_ this person is. I. I'm not gonna do anything with it, but I wrote it." Jensen blew out a low breath, shaking his head slowly.

"This past month, all I've ever thought about was you. I burned all the notes I had, trashed everything, I didn't even give Chris a chance. They would have fired me even if I didn't quit cause I kind of fucked them over but I. _God_ this speech was so much better when I practiced with Purdy and Blase. I guess." Jensen dragged the back of his sleeve along the tears pooling in his eyes and forced his gaze to lock on Jared. "The point is. I love you. And I'm sorry for lying to you. And I know I don't deserve a second chance but. I. I'd like to start over. Or start somewhere. Somewhere that doesn't involve me betraying you and ruining everything. Because. I want to be with you." Jensen blinked a few times before sliding back a step, steeling himself because he _knew_ he didn't deserve any second chances.

Jared looked down at the magazine for a few moments, the slick paper sticking to his palm. "You got a place to stay?" Reaching down he scratched Atka's head and she yipped quietly and padded over to Jensen's side, nudging at his hand.

Blinking slowly once more Jensen looked down at the dog before rubbing her head. "Uh, no. I was just kind of winging things. I can. I mean. I know you said there were other places. I noticed Thomas kind of gave up on his cabin but..." Jensen shrugged and stared down at Atka as he petted her fur.

"Wasn't worth rebuilding Just me and Atka out here now." Tugging a hand out of his pocket, Jared scratched at his cheek. "What are you gonna do?" His heart was fluttering in his chest. He was nervous. He was hesitant. There were a million reasons for him to just say good bye.

Looking up Jensen shrugged once more and let his hand drop as Atka went back to following Purdy and Blase along the lot. "I haven't decided. I think I'm waiting, until I found out if-" Jensen gestured absently to him, shifting the envelope in his hands before sighing softly. "My plans were mostly just, ask for a second chance and then figure everything out from there." Jensen shifted slightly on the grass, unsure if he should feel relieved that Jared hadn't sent him away yet.

Turning Jared watched the dogs as they raced around the clearing. "You hurt me." He didn't look back toward Jensen, afraid of what he might see on the man's face. "I didn't think that could happen to me anymore." In a strange way, being _hurt_ again made Jared feel more alive than he had in years. Jensen had been the thing that broke Jared apart and he'd only _just_ begun to put himself back together again. "I started a new book too."

A shaky sigh left Jensen's lips as his step brought him closer, hovering within a few feet of Jared. The urge to pull him in, hold him close, kiss away all the pain, was just as intense now as it had been that horrible night before and the morning he left. "I'm sorry." He whispered, wishing there was some way to really prove that he was. "What- what is your new book about?" His jaw clenched the moment the question left his lips as he turned away slightly, head shaking, "never mind. You don't have to answer that."

"It's about me, I guess." Jared shrugged. "My publisher wasn't very happy with me. I. I don't want to write Nyght anymore." Dropping his head a little he glanced over at Jensen and dragged his thumb across his bottom lip. "You gonna be okay? I mean, in general?" As messed up as the entire situation was he actually felt bad that Jensen had ended up with no home and no job.

"What?" Jensen blinked at him in surprise and waved a hand in a vague gesture. "Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm gonna be just fine. I. I can um..." Jensen dragged a hand up through his hair, pulling in a shaky breath. "I'll just, figure things out. Yeah, so. Hey it's totally okay if you can't but could Purdy and Blase stay here for a little while? I guess I need to..." Jensen looked down at the blur through eyes, trying to figure out what was going on and what this meant and what the hell he'd do next.

"You need to what?" Jared blurted the words out, eyes darting back down to the ground.

Scrubbing at the back of his neck, Jensen frowned and rolled his shoulders in a shrug, "I. It's probably stupid. I mean, I had this crazy idea in my mind that I'd come here and, you know, say all my shit and you'd just-" Jensen huffed out a choked laugh and shook his head, "I know, it was stupid and presumptions. So I should go? Do you want me to go?"

"No." Jared folded his arms and blew out a breath, letting his eyes close. "So - you figured I would just what?" Finally blinking a few times, he turned and looked at Jensen. It was hard to see those eyes again.

Jensen's heart clenched and he mentally kicked himself, wishing he'd seriously given this whole thing a lot more thought. "I don't know. I guess, I thought I would tell you I loved you and apologize and maybe even get on my knees and beg and you would take me back. And I would stay here and freelance articles for real and." Jensen dragged his palm across his cheeks and sighed, digging the toes of his shoes into the grass.

"I don't trust you," Jared whispered. He shifted and dropped his arms to grab hold of his jeans. The coffee was slowly cooling on his pant leg and he found himself thinking how strange it was to even notice.

Heart sinking, Jensen nodded and slid back a step. "I. I don't blame you. I don't deserve to be trusted." It hurt to admit it and Jensen could feel the doors closing in on him. This had seemed _so_ easy in his mind, clearly he'd seen things wrong.

"So you'll," Jared swallowed around the lump in his throat, "if you leave the dogs here and go. How do I know you'll come back?" His hand drifted somehow up to his mouth and he chewed on his thumbnail staring at Jensen over his hand.

"They." Jensen looked down at Blase and Purdy and his stomach churned at the very thought of leaving them. "They're my best friends. My only friends. I. I could never just. I wouldn't be, without them I wouldn't even really be." Jensen knelt down, arms extending to graze along the dog's fur.

Jared shrugged again. "Was it hard to leave me?" Jared took a couple of steps closer, fingers grazing across the back of Jensen's neck. Closing his eyes he could feel the weight of tears and then the reassuring presence of Atka's warmth leaning against his leg.

Pushing up slightly into the touch, Jensen's eyes fluttered closed. "More than you know." He whispered, knees pressing hard down into the grass. "I kept thinking if I could just see you one more time, have one more chance. I pulled over to turn around more than a dozen times." Jensen's body was humming from the just barely there brush of fingers and he forced himself to stay in spot.

Kneeling down behind Jensen, Jared leaned into the other man's back and settled down on the ground. He'd missed it; missed Jensen. Atka nosed at Jared's cheek nervously, turned around and curled up beside his leg. "You probably should stay with them. If they need to stay here." His fingers stroked through Atka's fur, his breathing slowed and he closed his eyes. The heat of Jensen's back against his shoulder was good, reassuring. _A start_.

Nearly choking on a relieved sob Jensen nodded, leaning backing into Jared as much as he could. "I. I would like that." He murmured, turning slightly to peer up at Jared's face. "We. We can take it as slow as you want, however you'd like." At this point, Jensen would do anything Jared asked, as long as it meant getting to stay here.

"What happens at the end of your book?" Shifting slightly, Jared turned and smiled a little and leaned his cheek against Jensen's shoulder. The scent of him wafted forward and Jared's throat tightened a little, anxiety and relief battling.

"They get a happy ending," Jensen whispered, small smile tugging on his lips. "It's like romance you know?" Jensen chuckled softly and reached behind him to wrap his arm gently around Jared's back, turning even more to him. "You're supposed to have happy endings in romance novels I think. Pretty sure you're supposed to have happy endings in life too. What do you think?"

"I think so, yeah." Jared sighed shakily. "If. If this." He could feel tears burning behind his eyes. "If you're gonna give up, if. If you're gonna hurt me again, go now. I can't." He turned his face into Jensen's chest. "I can't do it again." His voice was muffled against Jensen's shirt. "I'm tryin' to get back y'know?" He hesitated a few more moments then his fingers curled into the soft cotton of Jensen's shirt and he breathed slowly.

Dropping down onto his ass, Jensen tugged Jared up into his lap and held him tight, shaking his head. "I'm not. I'm not gonna give up or hurt you. I'm here for you, with you, for as long as you want me," his hand stroked through Jared's hair, soft and reassuring. "You. You can ask me anything, okay?" If Jensen had to spend forever proving himself to Jared he would, Jared was worth it.

It was easy to slide his arms around Jensen's neck. "I had pretty much stopped thinking you would come back," he murmured. His lips brushed against the bare flesh of Jensen's neck and a fierce heat welled inside him. It was fear and pleasure, uncertainty and a touch of hope that he hadn't felt since Jensen drove away.

"I wanted to have the magazine. So you would know." Jensen murmured and let his head tilt to the side. "I've missed you _so_ much Jared. Can. Can you ever forgive me for being such a stupid asshole?"

"I did a long time ago." Jared pressed his lips hesitantly to Jensen's jaw knowing the other man wouldn't do it. "Atka, will expect a lot of biscuits." He laughed softly and pulled back, gazing - finally - into Jensen's eyes. It made his heart hurt a little, old wounds, the glassy green gaze so raw.

Wetting his lips, Jensen cupped Jared's jaw and nodded, "lots of biscuits for Atka. Purdy and Blase missed her, missed here and you. I'd have to say I agree with their feelings." He sighed softly and dipped forward, lips hovering back from Jared's. "Jared? Can, I kiss you?" He murmured, close enough to Jared's lips to feel his breath with each small exhale.

Jared could feel his body start to tremble. It was slight and barely there but he was sure Jensen could feel it. Of course he wanted Jensen to kiss him; of course he wanted things to be better. _Of course_. It just felt like a big step, and a truth - and Jared, well, he'd never been very good at facing the truth. He'd gotten pretty good at hiding from the truth. "You p-promise you won't give up." His vision blurred slightly, eyes burning once more.

"I won't give up," Jensen whispered, fingers sliding back into Jared's hair, curling slowly. "Not on you Jared. No matter what. I'm here for you, with you," he murmured softly, letting their noses brush together, lips nearly tingling with the urge to _taste_ Jared once more.

Eyes darting from Jensen's eyes to his lips then back Jared nodded and slid his hands up through Jensen's hair. It was only the slightest movement that brought their lips together and Jared had no idea who moved in the end. But there it was, the heat and warmth, the kiss that he'd missed so much and for so long.

Bringing him forward, Jensen deepened the kiss, pulling Jared into him. The warmth exploded across his lips and Jensen whimpered softly, pulling Jared harder forward and ghosting his tongue along Jared's lower lip. He broke the kiss a moment later when his body tried to surge forward. "Sorry I. I _really_ missed you," he chuckled softly, hands sliding along Jared's jaw, down his neck.

Nodding slightly, eyes still closed, Jared smiled. He licked his lips and blinked a few times then laughed nervously. "M'shaking like a fuckin' leaf." He leaned in closer, letting Jensen's arms circle around him and sinking into the warmth. "I'm _really_ scared. M'not gonna lie." It was automatic the way his body fit so easily against Jensen's, the way he wanted to bury his face in the cook of his neck, the way he _wanted_ to trust him.

"I'm scared too," Jensen confessed, nodding slowly. "Different reasons I'm sure." His hand cradled the back of Jared's neck and held him there, rocking slowly back and forth. "Jared. I'll promise you, constantly, forever, however long it takes, that I'm not going to give up you or us." His lips turned into the side of Jared's, brushing wherever he could.

Atka barked and crouched down, wagging her tail, nudging at Jensen's back. Naturally, it started Purdy and Blase barking as well and Jared laughed, feeling the sound through his entire body. "Come inside? I gotta change. I think I burned myself with coffee. You surprised me a little." Slipping back off Jensen's lap reluctantly Jared pushed up, laughing again when the dogs wrestled Jensen to the ground.

"Payback is a bitch apparently," Jensen huffed and pushed at the dogs until he could heave himself up, stumbling after Jared and nearly scooping him up into his arms. "So I can stay here? Blase and Purdy too?" He asked against Jared's lips, pulling him in for another brush of lips.

Stumbling forward against Jensen, Jared laughed again. Slanting his mouth over Jensen's he kissed him, moaning softly. His lips parted easily, fingers tucking into the back of his waistband. "You make me happy."

Jensen's knees dipped for a moment, relief and happiness crashing through him. "Yeah. You make me happy too," he breathed against Jared's lips before crushing them together once more. It felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and Jensen was more than ready for everything to be one hundred percent happy ending between them.


End file.
